Well,it looks like the Whole 30 is now a Whole Life program for me.
Today is my husband's birthday and we naturally had birthday cake. I had a small piece last month for my son's.
What a difference a month makes.
I licked the ice cream spoon. It tasted like I was licking a sugar bowl with oil on it. I pushed off the ice cream from the small piece of cake.
I took a bite of the cake. It tasted so disgusting I spit it out.
Seriously.
Birthday cake.
I love birthday cake. And ice cream.
Two months ago I never imagined that I would be voluntarily getting rid of ice cream.
I mistakenly thought I was on a diet. Even though the entire book "It Starts with Food" kept saying-- this is NOT a diet.
It's not a diet. It really has changed my life.
Last Friday, we were running around and I really wanted to stop at Dairy Queen. It was a nice fall night. The kids had been great. It's what we normally would have done. I started to tell my husband to go and stopped mid sentence. I realized it wasn't worth it. First of all, it really doesn't taste the same. I'm not kidding. Second, it really makes me sick. And then I was sad. There would be no more DQ trips for me. Ever. For the first time I felt like I had lost something.
But then I realized what did I lose? A stomach ache? Bad skin?
For me, I am learning that I am VERY sensitive to food. Period. And more importantly bad food. I had a cupcake (okay a few mini cupcakes) from a local bakery and was fine. Buttercream icing- no gagging there. I couldn't eat a lot of them, but 1-2, I was fine.
For 2 weeks, I had been trying to add food back in, per the book, to test my reactions. My skin immediately started to break out. My sleep patterns were interrupted. It was all bad. Rice was the ONLY thing that didn't give me problems.
I can have a little cheese. I'm fine with a little cheese- I don't need the huge amounts I had before. And I had some bread- white french bread, in fact- and I was fine.
But the days of macaroni and cheese are gone. I don't need to eat it to know it.
Wine gives me a headache and I get a rush like I popped speed. But from time to time, I will choose this because it also tastes good-- it's worth it. Birthday cake that tastes like margarine-- not worth it.
This week, I cleaned up my eating. My skin started to clear again. Last night I slept. I didn't eat perfectly- I was probably at 90% though. That's livable. But honestly, my desire to go eat a bowl of nachos is completely gone.
Suddenly, I get it.
Eating healthy isn't dieting.
Dieting is deprivation.
Dieting ends.
Eating healthy is permanent.
But I very much did not expect how much my tastes have changed. It's not only that I'm not craving things, they very honestly now taste gross. In the back of mind I had thought I would come "off" this and be able to eat mac-n-cheese on a cold, fall day.
Nope.
But homemade French Onion soup with a slice of bread and a slice of cheese- that was okay.
Processed foods are out. And I understand that it is forever.
So as much as I thought I had my head around, this week I really did.
And the very cool thing-- I'm still losing weight. I wore a suit this week that I had moved to the back of the closet because I had outgrown it. It was loose. In all the right places.
And even cooler- all my friends who have started this are having the same experience and I think it's fantastic.
My bigger challenge is going to be figuring out ways to celebrate that aren't food related. I had no idea how food centric my life had become. It's an adjustment, but it's one worth making.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Three Week Detox Update
I swear, it sounds like I'm in rehab or something...
Okay, so three weeks down and how am I feeling?
Freakin' fantastic. No joke. I slept for 7 hours straight last night. SEVEN. Let's see, Saturday was my son's birthday so it's been, um about 10+ years....
Last week was my "special" week so while my face isn't entirely clear, compared to more recent past "special" weeks, it's quite nice. And no cramps. And, well, without getting too detailed, let's just say it was normal. Which hasn't been the case since I turned 40. Enough on that.
I also lost 3 pounds last week.
That has NEVER happened. I always gain 2-5 pounds that magically disappear.
So, in total, I'm down about 11 pounds. In three weeks. That's what I lost in the 6 months before joining Weight Watchers and the 6 months I was in Weight Watchers. I gained 5 doing Crossfit this summer (but didn't change my size).
And did I mention I'm about a size and half smaller than I was the last time was at this weight?
I had a friend a few years back who weighed the same that I did (it was before I had my daughter- so about 8 years ago). She was in a 6. I was in a 14. I was stunned. I can squeeze back into 14's (it's not pretty) but I'm 25 pounds heavier.
Screw the scale.
I put on a t-shirt that I'm wearing in my cover photo on Facebook. The sleeves that were tight in the picture are now loose-- well, they are normal. That was 2 months ago. I wore a skirt Thursday that was almost falling off. I joked with my parents that I kinda hoped it would- an embarrassing story with great bragging rights!
I'm looking at my summer clothes that will go into storage in a few weeks and thinking maybe I should just donate them?
In the book it mentions not cheating during the 30 days. After that, it's not restrictive whatsoever. For celebrations, they encourage you to partake. Since I'm already sold on the lifestyle (did I mention how soft my skin is in the past 10 minutes??!?!), I thought why not try a little piece of cake with 1 scoop of ice cream? It was my son's birthday. It was a small piece and a small scoop. Next week, I was going to "test" it for a day, why not this week?
I almost puked.
No kidding.
It hit my stomach like a rock. And let's just say, it has not been nice to be around me today, I'm a tad... um... flatulent.
Looks like dairy is out for me for the long run. To be honest, I already knew this before I started. I just didn't realize how bad it was making me feel until I took it out.
Goodbye ice cream! You would think I would be sad, but considering how bad one little scoop made me feel, I'm fine with it. I'm still bloated 24 hours later.
So, to recap, I have increased my caloric content and reduced my workout time and my supposed calories burned. I switched from a cardio focused workout to a weight lifting/cardio burst interval workout. I feel energetic. I am more alert. I am sleeping more soundly. My skin is changing. I'm not hungry late at night. And I have lost 11 pounds.
I'm not sure if this will get all my weight off, but I have to say, getting my hormones working normally and building muscle-- I'm not sure how it won't? I should end up at my natural weight within 6 months, based on everything I've read. The weight loss will slow, without a doubt. I will get bored with eating clean, I'm sure. After years of measuring, weighing, tracking, aerobicizing, spinning, etc, etc, this feels like the Rosetta Stone for me. Whatever was going on with my body, this has definitely started to correct it.
It won't be easy. It's not like I'm not working at it. I sweat at the gym (i just accidentally typed "swear"- that, too!). Except for the cake and ice cream, I've stuck with it.
And it is working for me. It might not work for you. Your blood sugar may be completely fine. Mine was still testing normal-- for the average pool of Americans, but not for me- it had crept up over the years. You may be fine with dairy. I very clearly, am not. I'm interested to see what happens when I try to eat grains- I have a feeling I'll be fine, but who knows? Maybe not. I certainly didn't expect such an immediate reaction to dairy after less than 3 weeks of not having any. And it was a BIG reaction. I certainly had a headache and nausea when I cut out grains- maybe it is an issue?
This is my experiment on me. I'm not a doctor in the least. I simply know that traditional diets didn't work and were demoralizing ("Well you MUST be doing something wrong...." or "Sure, you track what you eat...."). I'm a smart girl. I kept looking. I knew there were no more calories to cut from my diet ("just eat 200 calories less a day"--- sure, and then what?) I had no idea I would have this type of result so quickly.
All I can say is you would have to feel like I do to understand why it is not hard to stick with this. It's the best I've felt in 15 years.
Three weeks ago I would have told you this was about the scale.
It's truly not any more. I realize that my obesity was a symptom, not the disease. I am so grateful that I had friends that shared this with me.
But you can't wing it. You can't sorta try it. You have to read the book and do it if you want the results.
And I have no clue if it will work for you. I've had a lot of emails about this. I'm not an expert. Get the book. If it makes sense to you, give it a try. If you don't exercise and eat fast food 5-6 times a week, this probably is going to be too much. If you've seriously tried everything, this might be it. Or not.
Read the book. Check out the website. If you've got 30 days, try it.
Whole 9- "It Starts With Food"
I'll give a final wrap up next week and then you keep posted from time to time on how I'm doing! I also have another blog that focuses on weight loss which I have a link to on this site.
Thank you to everyone for your support!!!
Okay, so three weeks down and how am I feeling?
Freakin' fantastic. No joke. I slept for 7 hours straight last night. SEVEN. Let's see, Saturday was my son's birthday so it's been, um about 10+ years....
Last week was my "special" week so while my face isn't entirely clear, compared to more recent past "special" weeks, it's quite nice. And no cramps. And, well, without getting too detailed, let's just say it was normal. Which hasn't been the case since I turned 40. Enough on that.
I also lost 3 pounds last week.
That has NEVER happened. I always gain 2-5 pounds that magically disappear.
So, in total, I'm down about 11 pounds. In three weeks. That's what I lost in the 6 months before joining Weight Watchers and the 6 months I was in Weight Watchers. I gained 5 doing Crossfit this summer (but didn't change my size).
And did I mention I'm about a size and half smaller than I was the last time was at this weight?
I had a friend a few years back who weighed the same that I did (it was before I had my daughter- so about 8 years ago). She was in a 6. I was in a 14. I was stunned. I can squeeze back into 14's (it's not pretty) but I'm 25 pounds heavier.
Screw the scale.
I put on a t-shirt that I'm wearing in my cover photo on Facebook. The sleeves that were tight in the picture are now loose-- well, they are normal. That was 2 months ago. I wore a skirt Thursday that was almost falling off. I joked with my parents that I kinda hoped it would- an embarrassing story with great bragging rights!
I'm looking at my summer clothes that will go into storage in a few weeks and thinking maybe I should just donate them?
In the book it mentions not cheating during the 30 days. After that, it's not restrictive whatsoever. For celebrations, they encourage you to partake. Since I'm already sold on the lifestyle (did I mention how soft my skin is in the past 10 minutes??!?!), I thought why not try a little piece of cake with 1 scoop of ice cream? It was my son's birthday. It was a small piece and a small scoop. Next week, I was going to "test" it for a day, why not this week?
I almost puked.
No kidding.
It hit my stomach like a rock. And let's just say, it has not been nice to be around me today, I'm a tad... um... flatulent.
Looks like dairy is out for me for the long run. To be honest, I already knew this before I started. I just didn't realize how bad it was making me feel until I took it out.
Goodbye ice cream! You would think I would be sad, but considering how bad one little scoop made me feel, I'm fine with it. I'm still bloated 24 hours later.
So, to recap, I have increased my caloric content and reduced my workout time and my supposed calories burned. I switched from a cardio focused workout to a weight lifting/cardio burst interval workout. I feel energetic. I am more alert. I am sleeping more soundly. My skin is changing. I'm not hungry late at night. And I have lost 11 pounds.
I'm not sure if this will get all my weight off, but I have to say, getting my hormones working normally and building muscle-- I'm not sure how it won't? I should end up at my natural weight within 6 months, based on everything I've read. The weight loss will slow, without a doubt. I will get bored with eating clean, I'm sure. After years of measuring, weighing, tracking, aerobicizing, spinning, etc, etc, this feels like the Rosetta Stone for me. Whatever was going on with my body, this has definitely started to correct it.
It won't be easy. It's not like I'm not working at it. I sweat at the gym (i just accidentally typed "swear"- that, too!). Except for the cake and ice cream, I've stuck with it.
And it is working for me. It might not work for you. Your blood sugar may be completely fine. Mine was still testing normal-- for the average pool of Americans, but not for me- it had crept up over the years. You may be fine with dairy. I very clearly, am not. I'm interested to see what happens when I try to eat grains- I have a feeling I'll be fine, but who knows? Maybe not. I certainly didn't expect such an immediate reaction to dairy after less than 3 weeks of not having any. And it was a BIG reaction. I certainly had a headache and nausea when I cut out grains- maybe it is an issue?
This is my experiment on me. I'm not a doctor in the least. I simply know that traditional diets didn't work and were demoralizing ("Well you MUST be doing something wrong...." or "Sure, you track what you eat...."). I'm a smart girl. I kept looking. I knew there were no more calories to cut from my diet ("just eat 200 calories less a day"--- sure, and then what?) I had no idea I would have this type of result so quickly.
All I can say is you would have to feel like I do to understand why it is not hard to stick with this. It's the best I've felt in 15 years.
Three weeks ago I would have told you this was about the scale.
It's truly not any more. I realize that my obesity was a symptom, not the disease. I am so grateful that I had friends that shared this with me.
But you can't wing it. You can't sorta try it. You have to read the book and do it if you want the results.
And I have no clue if it will work for you. I've had a lot of emails about this. I'm not an expert. Get the book. If it makes sense to you, give it a try. If you don't exercise and eat fast food 5-6 times a week, this probably is going to be too much. If you've seriously tried everything, this might be it. Or not.
Read the book. Check out the website. If you've got 30 days, try it.
Whole 9- "It Starts With Food"
I'll give a final wrap up next week and then you keep posted from time to time on how I'm doing! I also have another blog that focuses on weight loss which I have a link to on this site.
Thank you to everyone for your support!!!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
You have to read the book...
I've been posting my progress on the Whole 30 detox program on Facebook from time to time as well as blogging about it. I have had MANY friends- as in 10-20, tell me they are going to do it as well. Some have even started.
Here's the thing-- a lot of them haven't bothered to read the book, "It Starts With Food."
It sounds easy- no sugar, no dairy, no grains, no beans, no alcohol.
With that said, there are a 1,000 more questions-- what about sweeteners? No. No sweeteners. I'm trying to break my habit of eating sweet things. Plus, they are chemicals. This is a detox. I don't want to replace regular food with chemically altered food. Hence the name the WHOLE 30- it's referencing whole foods for 30 days.
What about yogurt? Yogurt is dairy. There is lactose in it. It will spike your insulin levels. The primary purpose of this program is to get your insulin levels in check. At the end of 30 days, add it in, see how you feel. But you have to follow it.
And honestly, I don't mind being a resource for people, but if they read the book they would understand that this isn't the Cabbage Soup Diet. It's not a quick fix to drop weight fast. There is a chance, although I can't imagine when this would apply, that YOU MIGHT NOT LOSE ANY WEIGHT.
What the Whole 30 is, to me, is a way to reset my body's thermostat and my brain. I have to shut down the whole system and add things back in. But I have to shut it down first.
And again, it is NOT a diet, it's a detox. You have to eat.
I think so many of my friends are used to dieting. The thought of having 2-3 eggs for breakfast with bacon frightens them. Eating fruit for my low carb friends is scary. Nuts and olives are the anti-christ for my Weight Watchers friends.
Now, when my weight loss does stop- because I have to lose weight- I will need to watch calories, cut down on the nuts (especially the nuts), monitor my fruit a little more- but for the first 30 days, I don't. I am not counting calories.
WHAT?
No. You don't count calories. You eat until you're almost full. Wait a little. If you're hungry eat some more. It's not just resetting my metabolism, it's resetting my mind. That's a very big deal if you're a perpetual dieter like I am.
I am not deprived. My body is learning to use food for energy. I am learning to eat food for energy.
But you have to do the whole thing. Giving up a few things, does not a lifestyle make.
And did I mention I am doing a LOT of weight training? I told my husband that once again, I was working out at the gym yesterday and 3 men- including 1 extremely fit man- looked at the weights I was using and very sheepishly moved theirs up. It's getting to a point that it's pretty funny. Yes, that was 200 lbs that I was using on the adductor machine. I may have only squeezed out 5 reps but I did 10 at 190 and 25 at 180. I think I embarrassed them with their 70 lbs. That's why I was sweating and they were not. And the laps that I used to walk-- I am jogging if not actually running them. Eventually, they will be sprints. And I'm doing reps at a fast pace so I get a cardio workout as well. High weights, fast reps, intermittent cardio bursts, something different every time- thank you Crossfit!
If you are trying this along side me, I strongly recommend that you read the book so you know exactly what it is that you're trying to do. It's not a quickie diet. I know EVERY diet says that, but this really isn't.
If you had told me that 3 weeks ago I would say "I don't really care if I ever have ice cream again..." I would have told you you were nuts. But you know what? I don't really care if I ever have ice cream again.
I'm not going to lie.... my son's birthday is Saturday and last night I made rice crispy treats for his class. I love them. THAT was hard. But you know what? I got on the scale and I'm down another .4 lbs. If I had had one, I would have gone on a binge because my sugar levels would have gone "YOU'RE BACK!! WE MISSED YOU!! WHY STOP WITH ONE?!?!?!" Maybe in a few months when everything is reset I can enjoy just one. But not now. It's not worth it. This is working.
And I miss wine. Not that I drank that much before. I miss the socialization that comes with having a glass with my husband once or twice a week. Having friends over and laughing on the patio with a glass or two or three or okay, well, a bottle.... I will definitely bring that back in. At least a glass or two. But cheese, cream in my coffee-- I think I'm okay without that. It's not worth the damaging that it seems to have been causing my body.
Maybe not for you- but it was definitely the Rosetta Stone for me.
So if you're joining me- and please, please do-- please get the book and read it. Or check out their website. Don't try to wing it.
Here's the thing-- a lot of them haven't bothered to read the book, "It Starts With Food."
It sounds easy- no sugar, no dairy, no grains, no beans, no alcohol.
With that said, there are a 1,000 more questions-- what about sweeteners? No. No sweeteners. I'm trying to break my habit of eating sweet things. Plus, they are chemicals. This is a detox. I don't want to replace regular food with chemically altered food. Hence the name the WHOLE 30- it's referencing whole foods for 30 days.
What about yogurt? Yogurt is dairy. There is lactose in it. It will spike your insulin levels. The primary purpose of this program is to get your insulin levels in check. At the end of 30 days, add it in, see how you feel. But you have to follow it.
And honestly, I don't mind being a resource for people, but if they read the book they would understand that this isn't the Cabbage Soup Diet. It's not a quick fix to drop weight fast. There is a chance, although I can't imagine when this would apply, that YOU MIGHT NOT LOSE ANY WEIGHT.
What the Whole 30 is, to me, is a way to reset my body's thermostat and my brain. I have to shut down the whole system and add things back in. But I have to shut it down first.
And again, it is NOT a diet, it's a detox. You have to eat.
I think so many of my friends are used to dieting. The thought of having 2-3 eggs for breakfast with bacon frightens them. Eating fruit for my low carb friends is scary. Nuts and olives are the anti-christ for my Weight Watchers friends.
Now, when my weight loss does stop- because I have to lose weight- I will need to watch calories, cut down on the nuts (especially the nuts), monitor my fruit a little more- but for the first 30 days, I don't. I am not counting calories.
WHAT?
No. You don't count calories. You eat until you're almost full. Wait a little. If you're hungry eat some more. It's not just resetting my metabolism, it's resetting my mind. That's a very big deal if you're a perpetual dieter like I am.
I am not deprived. My body is learning to use food for energy. I am learning to eat food for energy.
But you have to do the whole thing. Giving up a few things, does not a lifestyle make.
And did I mention I am doing a LOT of weight training? I told my husband that once again, I was working out at the gym yesterday and 3 men- including 1 extremely fit man- looked at the weights I was using and very sheepishly moved theirs up. It's getting to a point that it's pretty funny. Yes, that was 200 lbs that I was using on the adductor machine. I may have only squeezed out 5 reps but I did 10 at 190 and 25 at 180. I think I embarrassed them with their 70 lbs. That's why I was sweating and they were not. And the laps that I used to walk-- I am jogging if not actually running them. Eventually, they will be sprints. And I'm doing reps at a fast pace so I get a cardio workout as well. High weights, fast reps, intermittent cardio bursts, something different every time- thank you Crossfit!
If you are trying this along side me, I strongly recommend that you read the book so you know exactly what it is that you're trying to do. It's not a quickie diet. I know EVERY diet says that, but this really isn't.
If you had told me that 3 weeks ago I would say "I don't really care if I ever have ice cream again..." I would have told you you were nuts. But you know what? I don't really care if I ever have ice cream again.
I'm not going to lie.... my son's birthday is Saturday and last night I made rice crispy treats for his class. I love them. THAT was hard. But you know what? I got on the scale and I'm down another .4 lbs. If I had had one, I would have gone on a binge because my sugar levels would have gone "YOU'RE BACK!! WE MISSED YOU!! WHY STOP WITH ONE?!?!?!" Maybe in a few months when everything is reset I can enjoy just one. But not now. It's not worth it. This is working.
And I miss wine. Not that I drank that much before. I miss the socialization that comes with having a glass with my husband once or twice a week. Having friends over and laughing on the patio with a glass or two or three or okay, well, a bottle.... I will definitely bring that back in. At least a glass or two. But cheese, cream in my coffee-- I think I'm okay without that. It's not worth the damaging that it seems to have been causing my body.
Maybe not for you- but it was definitely the Rosetta Stone for me.
So if you're joining me- and please, please do-- please get the book and read it. Or check out their website. Don't try to wing it.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Happy Thoughts on a Bad Day
I really don't like 9/11. I hate the memories. The worries about my friends who were working in the area. Their friends. How people that I don't know want me dead. How the world all came together and now we're at each others throats.
Yesterday wasn't a great day- I had appointments that got confused, we're still working on staffing issues and then I offered to scoot out early to get the kids at school so my husband could get a haircut. He's been working like a crazy man- his classes all have 47+ in them, he is probably going to lose his prep period (he's a teacher) so he have smaller classes- the man deserved a hair cut. Then my son had jiu jitsu which is when I work out. Followed by an open house at the school. We've all that day. I had the same on Friday. Nothing bad, just busy and life throwing things at me.
Oh- and I got my period.
Which I knew, during my 30 day detox was going to happen.
I'm also not supposed to be weighing myself daily. I am. It's more from a scientific standpoint to discredit how the number means nothing. I can wake up at 6 am to pee, read for an hour and then magically drop a pound. Or gain one.
I will say, however, that when I don't weigh myself I do let it creep back on. As I've mentioned in earlier blogs, I've lost probably close to 1,000 pounds. I just unfortunately have found them all.
I weighed myself Sunday, put on .4 lbs, knew that "my special time" was coming and just avoided it yesterday morning. So, already not liking today because of the date, I went ahead and got on to see what the damage would be.
I'm down 2 pounds from the .4 gain (I have a zero scale- you can set it to not show your weight, just your changes- it's awesome).
I lost weight? On what's basically the first day of my period?
That has never happened.
And I don't have cramps. Or bloating.
No joke.
If that's not an incentive to cut out sugar, grains, dairy and beans, I don't know what is.
Scale aside, that's pretty amazing.
But wait there's more....
I put on a pair of pants that I had in the back of the closet. They've been lose off and on during various weight gains and losses. They also were tight for awhile not long ago (last year).
They look like clown pants.
I threw on a blousy shirt that usually hung a little snugly around my belly. It hangs like it's supposed to hang.
I put on a very light sweater and the arms are loose. Well, they fit.
I thought about changing pants, but I'm not going to. I want to wear them today,on this crappy day, to remind myself that I can do this. That I have done so much already.
I had a great workout last night. My jogging is slowly becoming running. My walking jogging. And I still walk a little on my laps- but much faster than I did. I have my waitress walk back. I'm slowly dropping the resistance/counterweight on my pull-ups. It's about 20 lbs less than my body weight. Not impressive.... yet. Every week, I drop 15lbs off the counter weight. I am flying through my abs. Might be time to add some weight to that. I am holding to my commitment of being the sweatiest person in the gym. I swear when people see me push it, they go a little harder themselves.
So today, on the crappiest day of the year, I did a little happy dance in front of the mirror. All my hardwork is finally paying off and I feel good.
Yesterday wasn't a great day- I had appointments that got confused, we're still working on staffing issues and then I offered to scoot out early to get the kids at school so my husband could get a haircut. He's been working like a crazy man- his classes all have 47+ in them, he is probably going to lose his prep period (he's a teacher) so he have smaller classes- the man deserved a hair cut. Then my son had jiu jitsu which is when I work out. Followed by an open house at the school. We've all that day. I had the same on Friday. Nothing bad, just busy and life throwing things at me.
Oh- and I got my period.
Which I knew, during my 30 day detox was going to happen.
I'm also not supposed to be weighing myself daily. I am. It's more from a scientific standpoint to discredit how the number means nothing. I can wake up at 6 am to pee, read for an hour and then magically drop a pound. Or gain one.
I will say, however, that when I don't weigh myself I do let it creep back on. As I've mentioned in earlier blogs, I've lost probably close to 1,000 pounds. I just unfortunately have found them all.
I weighed myself Sunday, put on .4 lbs, knew that "my special time" was coming and just avoided it yesterday morning. So, already not liking today because of the date, I went ahead and got on to see what the damage would be.
I'm down 2 pounds from the .4 gain (I have a zero scale- you can set it to not show your weight, just your changes- it's awesome).
I lost weight? On what's basically the first day of my period?
That has never happened.
And I don't have cramps. Or bloating.
No joke.
If that's not an incentive to cut out sugar, grains, dairy and beans, I don't know what is.
Scale aside, that's pretty amazing.
But wait there's more....
I put on a pair of pants that I had in the back of the closet. They've been lose off and on during various weight gains and losses. They also were tight for awhile not long ago (last year).
They look like clown pants.
I threw on a blousy shirt that usually hung a little snugly around my belly. It hangs like it's supposed to hang.
I put on a very light sweater and the arms are loose. Well, they fit.
I thought about changing pants, but I'm not going to. I want to wear them today,on this crappy day, to remind myself that I can do this. That I have done so much already.
I had a great workout last night. My jogging is slowly becoming running. My walking jogging. And I still walk a little on my laps- but much faster than I did. I have my waitress walk back. I'm slowly dropping the resistance/counterweight on my pull-ups. It's about 20 lbs less than my body weight. Not impressive.... yet. Every week, I drop 15lbs off the counter weight. I am flying through my abs. Might be time to add some weight to that. I am holding to my commitment of being the sweatiest person in the gym. I swear when people see me push it, they go a little harder themselves.
So today, on the crappiest day of the year, I did a little happy dance in front of the mirror. All my hardwork is finally paying off and I feel good.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
What Are You Eating? It Can't Be Healthy....
I've had a few people ask me about the Whole 30... who am I kidding? I've had a boatload of people email me about it and ask questions.
Some people have been very concerned about what I'm eating.
Relax... here's a great example of what I'm eating...
Today, for breakfast, I had an omelet made with whole eggs, salsa and half an avocado. I had 2 pieces of bacon. I had a nectarine.
For lunch, I had a salad with about 5 oz of chicken I baked earlier in the week with a chipotle rub, black olives, half a tomato, a piece of bacon crumbled and a dressing I made out of homemade mayo and the other half of the avocado.
I snacked on some macadamia nuts.
Tonight for dinner, I'm having a pork loin roast, crockpot apples (apples with cinnamon) and some potatoes diced and sauteed in butter with herbs.
See- I'm starving.... not.
I was not great about working out this week because of the holiday and my trip thrown in on my normal work out day. But honestly, I'm not upset- I just missed some days, nothing awful. We're biking tomorrow and I will grab a quick work out.
In my first 2 weeks, I've lost 7 1/2 pounds. Working out like I always have, eating more calories.
It's crazy.
I need to back off the nuts this week to help get the pace back up, but as you can tell, I'm clearly not starving.
And this week's takeaway-- not only is my skin soft, but my mental acuity is back. Freakishly back. I can concentrate. I listen better. It's all good. I thought that was gone with motherhood. Nope.
I have so much energy, I don't need coffee to get started in the morning. It's probably because I'm sleeping through the night.
So for all the naysayers that think this a diet-- it's not. It's going to take a LOT to get me to stop eating like this. I'm serious. I feel that good. This week was a crazy busy and while I am tired, I am not exhausted.
When I was cutting calories and counting everything, I was tired, hungry and got nowhere.
I am so happy that I found this. Who would have thought my "healthy" diet full of oatmeal, yogurt, and all things fresh and good was making me sick?
And yet it was.
Some people have been very concerned about what I'm eating.
Relax... here's a great example of what I'm eating...
Today, for breakfast, I had an omelet made with whole eggs, salsa and half an avocado. I had 2 pieces of bacon. I had a nectarine.
For lunch, I had a salad with about 5 oz of chicken I baked earlier in the week with a chipotle rub, black olives, half a tomato, a piece of bacon crumbled and a dressing I made out of homemade mayo and the other half of the avocado.
I snacked on some macadamia nuts.
Tonight for dinner, I'm having a pork loin roast, crockpot apples (apples with cinnamon) and some potatoes diced and sauteed in butter with herbs.
See- I'm starving.... not.
I was not great about working out this week because of the holiday and my trip thrown in on my normal work out day. But honestly, I'm not upset- I just missed some days, nothing awful. We're biking tomorrow and I will grab a quick work out.
In my first 2 weeks, I've lost 7 1/2 pounds. Working out like I always have, eating more calories.
It's crazy.
I need to back off the nuts this week to help get the pace back up, but as you can tell, I'm clearly not starving.
And this week's takeaway-- not only is my skin soft, but my mental acuity is back. Freakishly back. I can concentrate. I listen better. It's all good. I thought that was gone with motherhood. Nope.
I have so much energy, I don't need coffee to get started in the morning. It's probably because I'm sleeping through the night.
So for all the naysayers that think this a diet-- it's not. It's going to take a LOT to get me to stop eating like this. I'm serious. I feel that good. This week was a crazy busy and while I am tired, I am not exhausted.
When I was cutting calories and counting everything, I was tired, hungry and got nowhere.
I am so happy that I found this. Who would have thought my "healthy" diet full of oatmeal, yogurt, and all things fresh and good was making me sick?
And yet it was.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Week 2 on the Whole 30-- Wanna Touch my Skin??
Wanna touch my skin??
It's really soft.
No, seriously, it is.
Yes, you can touch it.
Nope, I don't have lotion on.
Amazing, isn't it?
I may have crossed over into the realm of nutty. On Saturday, I was just sitting there and I realized that MY SKIN IS SILKY SMOOTH AND SOFT.
No kidding. We had some friends over that night and I kept asking if they wanted to touch it (and I was the only one NOT drinking....).
A colleague of mine who I used to office with about 14 years ago said "But you've always had nice skin..."
Nope. I told her she missed my 30's and the 40's were starting out a little scary. I NEVER had acne as a teenager. No joke. When I spent a year in Ecuador- and my friends who were there can back me up on this- I used to get stopped on the street and asked what I used on my face. I think Noxzema had a boom year because of me.
I started to get a few cystic zits in college- stress. Then it got worse. Then it got horrible. My hormones, stress, bad eating habits-- if it didn't get better, I was on my way to the dermatologist.
But now, I can save the co-pay.
Without getting too graphic, because I know I have male readers, let's just say, this isn't the week my skin should be clearing up. And I certainly shouldn't be losing weight.
Yep, you know what I mean. Something is just around the corner, and it ain't Christmas.
I have a few friends who think I'm on some nutty diet. It's not- I swear. I knew I wasn't feeling well and wanted to try something out there before resorting to a life of feeling blah.
So I cut out the sugar, the grains, the dairy, the beans, and the caffeine (which I've added a little more in because apparently I wasn't supposed to cut it out completely).
And baby, I'm back!
I have energy. My skin is clear. My skin is soft. I can focus. I am sharp. I am calm. I am smiling more. And yes, I lost a little weight, but honestly, I will never go back to eating like I was ever again.
Period.
Never.
This past Sunday we went for a family bike ride. We used to do them quite a bit and with the summer, it's way too freaking hot here, so we hadn't in awhile. In the interim, I started this and my husband lost another 20+ pounds this summer.
We rode for 3-4 miles in about 20-30 minutes. We weren't flying by any means, but we definitely were going at a good pace for a family of 4. When we got home my husband and I both commented that in the spring, we would have gone about 2 miles in the same time and would have been wiped out when we got home. Neither one of us was even tired or out of breath. And we both commented that we could have gone longer-- the reason we didn't was because quite honestly, I ran out of places for us to ride!
We both smiled and agreed that that was EXACTLY why we were losing weight, exercising and eating healthier. It's not for skinny jeans- which may never happen for us-- it was to enjoy life more.
Between my soft skin-- wanna touch it?-- and the ability to go for a ride without falling over-- plus all the other amazing things--- you can keep your ice cream.
Yep. I said that.
Keep your ice cream.
I may indulge from time to time-- maybe not ice cream but wine is definitely coming back-- but honestly, I cannot go back.
I may even stay fat, but I am not going to poison myself and ruin the ability to enjoy life because I want a stupid donut.
Never, ever again.
This is so much easier than I ever thought it would be.
If you are bloated, tired, grumpy and your skin looks like you're fifty but you're 35- do it. Once you get past that first week, you will never regret it.
Thank you to Helen and Candi for telling me about this!
It's really soft.
No, seriously, it is.
Yes, you can touch it.
Nope, I don't have lotion on.
Amazing, isn't it?
I may have crossed over into the realm of nutty. On Saturday, I was just sitting there and I realized that MY SKIN IS SILKY SMOOTH AND SOFT.
No kidding. We had some friends over that night and I kept asking if they wanted to touch it (and I was the only one NOT drinking....).
A colleague of mine who I used to office with about 14 years ago said "But you've always had nice skin..."
Nope. I told her she missed my 30's and the 40's were starting out a little scary. I NEVER had acne as a teenager. No joke. When I spent a year in Ecuador- and my friends who were there can back me up on this- I used to get stopped on the street and asked what I used on my face. I think Noxzema had a boom year because of me.
I started to get a few cystic zits in college- stress. Then it got worse. Then it got horrible. My hormones, stress, bad eating habits-- if it didn't get better, I was on my way to the dermatologist.
But now, I can save the co-pay.
Without getting too graphic, because I know I have male readers, let's just say, this isn't the week my skin should be clearing up. And I certainly shouldn't be losing weight.
Yep, you know what I mean. Something is just around the corner, and it ain't Christmas.
I have a few friends who think I'm on some nutty diet. It's not- I swear. I knew I wasn't feeling well and wanted to try something out there before resorting to a life of feeling blah.
So I cut out the sugar, the grains, the dairy, the beans, and the caffeine (which I've added a little more in because apparently I wasn't supposed to cut it out completely).
And baby, I'm back!
I have energy. My skin is clear. My skin is soft. I can focus. I am sharp. I am calm. I am smiling more. And yes, I lost a little weight, but honestly, I will never go back to eating like I was ever again.
Period.
Never.
This past Sunday we went for a family bike ride. We used to do them quite a bit and with the summer, it's way too freaking hot here, so we hadn't in awhile. In the interim, I started this and my husband lost another 20+ pounds this summer.
We rode for 3-4 miles in about 20-30 minutes. We weren't flying by any means, but we definitely were going at a good pace for a family of 4. When we got home my husband and I both commented that in the spring, we would have gone about 2 miles in the same time and would have been wiped out when we got home. Neither one of us was even tired or out of breath. And we both commented that we could have gone longer-- the reason we didn't was because quite honestly, I ran out of places for us to ride!
We both smiled and agreed that that was EXACTLY why we were losing weight, exercising and eating healthier. It's not for skinny jeans- which may never happen for us-- it was to enjoy life more.
Between my soft skin-- wanna touch it?-- and the ability to go for a ride without falling over-- plus all the other amazing things--- you can keep your ice cream.
Yep. I said that.
Keep your ice cream.
I may indulge from time to time-- maybe not ice cream but wine is definitely coming back-- but honestly, I cannot go back.
I may even stay fat, but I am not going to poison myself and ruin the ability to enjoy life because I want a stupid donut.
Never, ever again.
This is so much easier than I ever thought it would be.
If you are bloated, tired, grumpy and your skin looks like you're fifty but you're 35- do it. Once you get past that first week, you will never regret it.
Thank you to Helen and Candi for telling me about this!
Sunday, September 2, 2012
So what have I been doing since I stopped blogging here...
This has always been my secondary blog and I've been quite lazy about keeping it up. Since I'm doing the Whole 30, I feel like I'm obsessed by diet & exercise. I don't want to bog down the other blog with my rantings and thoughts. This also, I'm hoping, will keep me focused for the the remained for the Whole 30.
So I broke my finger which brought my Crossfit to a crashing halt. Midway into month 2. I only had 3 months to do it because of schedule issues.
Here's what I came away from Crossfit with:
#1- You really DO need to have some base level of fitness to get the most out of it. I was soooo out of shape (comparatively speaking) that I had modified the classes to a new low.
#2- With that said, I loved Crossfit. I love the concept of pushing just past where you think you're comfortable. Now during my workouts I always push during the last set until I don't think I can- I don't have any set reps-- I do as many as I can. I also started increasing the weights significantly just to see what I can do. I got that from Crossfit. I don't want to hurt myself, but I keep pushing. The arbitrary 10 rep set, or 25 rep set really does seem arbitrary.
#3- I can almost run now. Weird. Still not in my Top 10 list of things I want to do. But rather than walk, I run (okay jog) between sets. I pass people on the track. Imagine that. I laugh every time I do.
#4- Diversity is the key. I do think diversity is important in life- in food, in the workplace, in music, in everything. Now I use that same ideology in my workouts. Every day is a different. We never did the same routine at Crossfit. I never do the same routine at the gym. There are a million (okay maybe a thousand) different machines at my gym. There are free weights. There is an area with medicine balls. Every work out I force myself to try something new. I always do abs, but everything else is a something different. I may do squats with the ball, or squats holding on to the railing, or squats with dumbbells, or squats with the squat machine. There are hundreds of ways to work my upper body. Why get stuck? Even cardio. I hurt my ankle last week. Hard to run, fine to bike or row.
#5- You don't need to be there for an hour to get a good workout in. Most of my workouts are 30-45 minutes. And I am soaked by the end. That has been my new goal- to be the sweatiest person in the gym (I swear a lot, so this isn't too terrible). I can keep my heart rate up, lifting the same as if I was in a spin class. Don't get me wrong, I'm not lying on the floor groaning like many Crossfit people are, but I'm leaving feeling like I did something.
#6- Stretching is important. Yep. I've always been a fan. I warm up. I stretch a little (the active stretching technique I learned from Crossfit). I work out. If I'm stiff, I'll stretch at the stretching station mid-workout.
#7- Paleo. See previous blogs.
Basically, I go MWF during my son's jiu jitsu class. It's a push to get us both there but now it's become our thing. We are workout buddies. It's awesome. I'm focusing on weight training with some cardio. We are planning on running a 5K next month, but haven't trained much-- school just started and we had some freaky hot/humid weather. This week, we should get in runs on T-R-Sa. Or that's the plan. Tap dancing and Zumba are fun things thrown in. Or as I like to say the reason I want to get fit is so I can enjoy doing them even more.
And, as you can see I'm doing the Whole 30 program to transition to a more Paleo based diet. The 80%/20% thing wasn't working for me, so I thought I'd give it 100%.
Wow.
I've had withdrawals. Today, my skin is clearing up. Let's just say this isn't the "time of the month" where it should be. I'm moving into the zit zone. Overall, I have no complaints. It's been much easier to follow than I would have thought. I think it's because I've slowly transitioned to it to begin with- going cold turkey wasn't the end of the world. It's been a week. I do want some popcorn. We are going to the movies today- that's going to be hard. And chocolate. I need to find something I can do about that. Especially since we're getting closer to that "time of the month." Trust me, it's better for society if I can find something chocolate!
I was happy with Weight Watchers last year- I loved the support- however, the diet plan didn't work for me. At all.
This seems to be working. I'm eating more. I'm losing. I'm working out smarter.
I still have a very, very, very long way to go, but for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm at least on the right track. Being at healthy weight (not my goal weight) by my birthday in January seems entirely reasonable. Not a "Gee, I hope I can make it." I will make it. Besides, my party theme is White Trash and I want to look good in my tube top and inappropriately tight leggings!!
So I broke my finger which brought my Crossfit to a crashing halt. Midway into month 2. I only had 3 months to do it because of schedule issues.
Here's what I came away from Crossfit with:
#1- You really DO need to have some base level of fitness to get the most out of it. I was soooo out of shape (comparatively speaking) that I had modified the classes to a new low.
#2- With that said, I loved Crossfit. I love the concept of pushing just past where you think you're comfortable. Now during my workouts I always push during the last set until I don't think I can- I don't have any set reps-- I do as many as I can. I also started increasing the weights significantly just to see what I can do. I got that from Crossfit. I don't want to hurt myself, but I keep pushing. The arbitrary 10 rep set, or 25 rep set really does seem arbitrary.
#3- I can almost run now. Weird. Still not in my Top 10 list of things I want to do. But rather than walk, I run (okay jog) between sets. I pass people on the track. Imagine that. I laugh every time I do.
#4- Diversity is the key. I do think diversity is important in life- in food, in the workplace, in music, in everything. Now I use that same ideology in my workouts. Every day is a different. We never did the same routine at Crossfit. I never do the same routine at the gym. There are a million (okay maybe a thousand) different machines at my gym. There are free weights. There is an area with medicine balls. Every work out I force myself to try something new. I always do abs, but everything else is a something different. I may do squats with the ball, or squats holding on to the railing, or squats with dumbbells, or squats with the squat machine. There are hundreds of ways to work my upper body. Why get stuck? Even cardio. I hurt my ankle last week. Hard to run, fine to bike or row.
#5- You don't need to be there for an hour to get a good workout in. Most of my workouts are 30-45 minutes. And I am soaked by the end. That has been my new goal- to be the sweatiest person in the gym (I swear a lot, so this isn't too terrible). I can keep my heart rate up, lifting the same as if I was in a spin class. Don't get me wrong, I'm not lying on the floor groaning like many Crossfit people are, but I'm leaving feeling like I did something.
#6- Stretching is important. Yep. I've always been a fan. I warm up. I stretch a little (the active stretching technique I learned from Crossfit). I work out. If I'm stiff, I'll stretch at the stretching station mid-workout.
#7- Paleo. See previous blogs.
Basically, I go MWF during my son's jiu jitsu class. It's a push to get us both there but now it's become our thing. We are workout buddies. It's awesome. I'm focusing on weight training with some cardio. We are planning on running a 5K next month, but haven't trained much-- school just started and we had some freaky hot/humid weather. This week, we should get in runs on T-R-Sa. Or that's the plan. Tap dancing and Zumba are fun things thrown in. Or as I like to say the reason I want to get fit is so I can enjoy doing them even more.
And, as you can see I'm doing the Whole 30 program to transition to a more Paleo based diet. The 80%/20% thing wasn't working for me, so I thought I'd give it 100%.
Wow.
I've had withdrawals. Today, my skin is clearing up. Let's just say this isn't the "time of the month" where it should be. I'm moving into the zit zone. Overall, I have no complaints. It's been much easier to follow than I would have thought. I think it's because I've slowly transitioned to it to begin with- going cold turkey wasn't the end of the world. It's been a week. I do want some popcorn. We are going to the movies today- that's going to be hard. And chocolate. I need to find something I can do about that. Especially since we're getting closer to that "time of the month." Trust me, it's better for society if I can find something chocolate!
I was happy with Weight Watchers last year- I loved the support- however, the diet plan didn't work for me. At all.
This seems to be working. I'm eating more. I'm losing. I'm working out smarter.
I still have a very, very, very long way to go, but for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm at least on the right track. Being at healthy weight (not my goal weight) by my birthday in January seems entirely reasonable. Not a "Gee, I hope I can make it." I will make it. Besides, my party theme is White Trash and I want to look good in my tube top and inappropriately tight leggings!!
Doing the Whole 30
The Whole 30
Still sorta sucking, but I am seeing the benefits already.
I've cut out processed sugar, grains, dairy, beans and caffeine. I guess caffeine wasn't required, but I figured, why not. I had a glass of green tea yesterday and rambled like a loon. I think it impacts me more than most people.
Before you get all "Mama Bean you need to eat a balanced diet...." trust me, I am. I am eating fruits, vegetables, proteins-- all good. I am getting fiber from the fruits and veggies. This isn't a bacon-bacon- and more bacon diet (not that I wouldn't love that). My breath doesn't stink. I don't have gas.
I am, however, very tired, still. I don't look radiant quite yet. And I'm well, a little pissy.
I should have known that this would work. I was very food-sensitive as a kid. Not highly allergic to anything in particular, but I had reactions to chocolate and dairy a lot. I thought I had "grown out of it." It's not looking that way.
I have lost a LOT of water weight just this first week. I can tell, if no one else can. It's like I'm deflating. I am peeing like I'm pregnant. No, it's not fat loss, but that's really not what this is about. It's about correcting my insulin levels in hopes that this is what my issue is.
My clothes are noticeably loose. I had tightened up after Crossfit, but was hesistant to buy new clothes. I can wear clothes a size too big-- no problem. It makes me feel thin (regardless of the size, of course!) I have a feeling in 3 weeks, that won't be an option. Especially where the weight is coming off.
My hips, stomach and upper arms are shrinking. Clothes that were tight or fit last Saturday are looser. I have on a t-shirt and the arms are loose. They were tight the last time I wore it. I put on a t-shirt for my tap class on Thursday and it easily fell over my hips and butt.
I'm tracking what I'm eating in my food journal and here's the interesting part-- it's the same or more than the Weight Watchers points. My fat is higher. Yet, the weight is coming off-- again, I know it's mostly water weight at this point.
It's a bit freaky, honestly. It's enough to keep me motivated to keep going.
This isn't something designed to keep doing. At the end of the 30 days, I reintroduce foods back in, one at a time. The ones I react to, I will avoid (not necessarily eliminate entirely, but know that there are consequences to eating it). The ones I have no issue with, I will put back in in healthy portions. If I had to guess, sugar and dairy are gone. I don't think I have an issue with gluten. I honestly don't eat enough bread and pasta to make it an issue. I do love ice cream. And yogurt. And all things dairy. But we'll see.
I always joke that I'm the 2%-- no, not the wealthy folks, but the 2% that always have a reaction to medication. When the studies say "2% of the population developed a rash from taking...." I will get a rash from holding the bottle. Any time my doctor prescribes something I ask "What are the side effects?" She'll go through them. I plan for them. And it's not suggestive illness, either. I'll have a reaction, read the label and TADA--- "Less than 1% of people tested, suffered from intestinal gas...."
So it's not a surprise that I might be sensitive to food. When I was a kid I was told that I had a sensitive system. I was the baby who could projectile vomit across a room. Apparently, not a lot has a changed. I just turned the puke into belly fat, which caused more imbalance, etc, etc.
I should also point out that at no time have I ever tested negatively for any imbalance. My blood sugar has crept up over the years- but I'm still normal. When I was having "girl issues" a few years ago, my gyno tested me and said I was still in the normal range, but clearly something was going on. She also pointed out that normal is determined by quantifying 80% of a population. Normal didn't necessarily equal healthy. Additionally, I could have started out at the 20th percentile and moved to the 80th-- still normal, but not for me. This is why I keep all my blood tests and compare year to year.
At this point you might be thinking "Mama Bean, it's calories in, calories out."
And I will say, it's not looking like that. It's looking like maybe it's the type of calories that my body types needs and uses is the issue. Maybe it's the fact that staying in shape and losing weight are 2 very different things. Maybe it's because I don't have a history of bad eating habits and not exercising that I can correct to see huge weight gains. Maybe all that cardio I was doing was actually making it even harder for my body to drop weight.
I am focusing on building muscle by doing interval training. I keep my heart rate up for 30 minutes while I do back to back reps at a fast pace, with some slow, heavy weights thrown in. I get my cardio now my lifting with bursts of running. I am burning almost the same amount (from my heart rate monitor) as I do about 45 minutes into a cardio class. Per my monitor, my cardio health is improving. I think it's the bursts. When I can get back to Zumba schedule wise, I will go because it's fun.
I am hopeful that with building muscle and lowering my sugar intake I can reset my metabolism. And then I can determine what the right balance is for me.
Detoxing sucks....
From my original, non-diet blog "Mama Bean's World"
Detoxing sucks
If you've been following my weight loss issues over the past year, you know it's been a bit of a struggle. Weight Watchers was not my thing. I liked the meetings (good to stay focused) but the actual program was having no impact. I don't drink soda. We rarely do fast food. I already exercise. There really wasn't a lot of "new" stuff to add to create a change for my body to adjust to. I was getting bitchy every time someone made the assumption that I must be cheating. NO I WAS NOT. Every morsel was accounted for. I never went over my points. It just didn't work for me.
Then Crossfit which was awesome, but as I said when I joined, I wasn't doing it to lose weight, I was doing it to get in shape.
I have to say Crossfit was a great experience. While I am not going right now due to scheduling conflicts, I learned that I was capable of much more than I was doing. I can actually, albeit pathetically, run. Every day it gets easier. I can also lift considerably more weight than I realized. Those 60 lbs leg adductor/abductors reps I used to do-- I can do them at 170 lbs. I even eked out a few at 190 lbs. This guy annoyed me at the gym because he was chatting with a friend instead of using the pulley-chest press. I did 10 reps at his weight, thank you very much. Wimp. Mama Bean brought it.
HOWEVER, I am well aware that I need to clearly do something about my diet. I know that I can not exercise the weight off. It doesn't work that way. It helps, but it's the food.
I've been reading up a lot on Paleo/Primal eating. Anyone that I know who does it, swears by it. And they look healthy, too. I cut out beans, don't eat much pasta (never really have) and tried to make small adjustments.
Then I stumbled onto a book called "It Starts with Food"- it's a 30 day detox program that basically reintroduces food into a Paleo diet.
No grains. No sugar. No alcohol. No beans. No caffeine. No dairy.
None.
For 30 days.
It's to reset my insulin.
Somewhere in the book it said that I might experience withdrawal effects. If I did, it's because this is what the issue is. And if they are strong, that's an even bigger reason to stick with it- because my body is fighting it.
HOLY CRAP I FEEL LIKE SHIT.
I almost threw up yesterday. I fell asleep at 9:30 pm. Dead asleep. My head is killing me. I never get headaches.
However, I'm actually kinda excited. After 15 years of dieting, I think I may have stumbled onto what the actual problem has been!
Woo hoo!
I made myself workout yesterday and about halfway through I felt a little better.
Now you might be asking "What did you cut out to have such a reaction so quickly?"
- Shredded wheat or yogurt for breakfast
- One cup of coffee (yep, ONE)
- Popcorn as a snack
- Cheese on my salad
- Late night chocolate binge (I usually have chocolate chips with some nuts)
That's it.
Nothing awful. Nothing unhealthy- no donuts, no ice cream (that's a weekend thing), no cakes, no bread (not a big fan), no tacos- nothing crazy. Yes, I do eat those things, but not normally during the time period that I've been on this.
Last night we had sole crusted with almond flour and pecans, a side of cauliflower "rice" and brussel sprouts. Not exactly prison food.
Of course, there is the chance that I have the flu, but honestly, the cravings are making me nuts right now. I'm glad the book warned me about it.
So this was the problem. My insulin levels. It all makes sense now.
I am going to stick with this. I hear by Day 10 I'll be radiant and glowing. Food will taste better. Right now I want to kick a puppy.
Apparently, once I get over the hump, the regular weight loss strategies will work better. A clean slate.
And yes, this is healthy. I'm eating lots of fruits and vegetables. Lean protein. It's not a bacon/steak/fried egg diet. It's a plant based diet with protein for balance. Not exactly bad stuff.
I think I miss cheese the most. Sweet, wonderful cheese. Oh well.
I will keep you all posted on how this turns out... I am not giving up!
But, if you see that I am getting irritated- RUN.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
My Crossfit Saga continues....
Last month I was proud to complete my intro class to Crossfit and I completely wimped out and opted to repeat the intro class. The regular classes frighten me.
Then I realized that holy crap, I actually had to stick with it. There would be no magic fairy that was going to make this easy.
This realization made me sad.
Over the weekend my husband, father-in-law and I were discussing how former military members make good teachers. They have realistic expectations, know that sometimes you have to do crap jobs as part of the big picture (a gripe I often have about staff- yes, filing IS part of the job--- unless, of course, you are very pregnant like my assistant was), and in general, they will plow through to get something done.
Crossfit was designed with the military, firefighters, policeman in mind. People who don't have the option to quit in the middle of their jobs.
I am a financial advisor. When I have a bad day- you know, the coffee maker breaking, my computer not working 100%-- I can say "Screw it" and head home after 1 pm (the market close time for the west coast). And I do this.
I am not designed for Crossfit.
This hit me like a ton of bricks during our conversation. While I perceive myself as NOT a quitter, in some ways I am. I know how to work out. I could absolutely recreate the entire work out, get the work out of the day (WOD-- the acronyms crack me up... doing a WOD... c'mon...), and do it myself. Yet I don't. I need the coach. And even then, am I really giving it 100%?
Maybe 85%.
I suck.
When I was in high school I seriously considered the Naval Academy. I had wanted to be a doctor and they had the best pre-med program out of the military academies and seemed to have the most women. If I really wanted to be a doctor, the cost of grad school, med school, etc, was too much, so it was pretty much the best option. My dad is former army, I have many relatives who serve or have served, so it wasn't out of the question or discouraged.
But the truth was, it would have been too hard for me. Not academically. Mentally. I remember looking at the PT requirements, the daily work-outs and thinking "No. Way. Ever." And even medical school- without the military- seemed like a lot of work (ironically, I have spent more time in school with my graduate school and designations than if I had just gone to med school and done a residency).
It was too much work.
I quit before I started.
Me. Apparently, the only things I stick with are the things I am good at doing or enjoy. I bail before I begin at anything that makes me uncomfortable. I am a chicken.
Coincidentally, on Monday on the whiteboard they had listed 5 places that were hotter than Las Vegas- Afghanistan, Iraq, Oman, Sudan and the deck of an aircraft carrier- and we were only working out for 30 minutes, not 18 months.
My cousin and my many friends that have been served in the Middle East push through every day. They don't quit.
So now I'm at the fork in the road-- I can forge ahead with something that I am not skilled at and really give it 100% or just call it a day and do something a little less stressful and painful, being grateful for all the people that do have the tenacity to push through and know I am not one of them.
Let's face it, I was jumping rope this morning and felt like I was "dying." Yet somehow, I could still talk?
Which Mama Bean do I chose to be?
And it's not just Crossfit. This transcends into my life. Giving it 100%. All the time. Every time.
I joke about my lowest common denominator theory- that my 60% IS more than most people's 100%.
But it's not mine and I know it.
And somewhere in that conversation with my father-in-law and my husband, it sorta slapped me in the face.
I need tenacity.
That is what is holding me back. Sucking it up through the bad stuff, trudging ahead, brushing it off.
Getting it done.
Yesterday I put on an outfit and it very truly hung off me. As in too big to keep. My dress today is baggy. If you saw me, you might not even notice, but I do. It's nice. It will probably keep me going for awhile. I also know that it won't be consistent and steady. I might not have another "Wow" moment in the next month or so.
But the real battle is in my head. Despite the smile and the jokes (I can't pass on a good snatch joke), I am fighting the voice in my head saying "Why bother? You know you can't do it. You're not like these people."
As I wrote a few weeks back, this suddenly isn't about losing weight- it's about getting over what got me here in the first place.
I don't want to be the person that quits the second something gets difficult.
The jury is still out.
And the saga continues...
Monday, July 2, 2012
Apparently, I have to keep going...
Well, I started my second round of the Crossfit intro class.
I guess, in order for this to work I have to KEEP going. That was not in the brochure. I had signed up for the magic wand program where I did a few pull-ups after only 4 weeks of training and miraculously a size 8 overnight.
They must have misunderstood my membership plan.
But here's the good news-- I jogged the 200m. No whining. No joke.
I even encouraged the people who also politely asked "Can I do something other than run?"
Yep. I've tried that, too.
And the answer is still apparently no.
I think they might enjoy the torture.
Rather than have the simple training bar for the deadlifts, as I did on the first day last month, I lifted 65 lbs. Woo hoo! My time was about the same, but I that's a big difference.
I still can't do push-ups and opted for the hand release modified version.
And for whatever reason, I feel like this next month will solidify what I learned this past month. And I will start focusing on the primal/paleo diet a little more (after the holiday).
And then it will be up to me to decide what do to with it. I've got the tools. I've got a good plan.
Now I actually have to stick with it and do it.
I guess, in order for this to work I have to KEEP going. That was not in the brochure. I had signed up for the magic wand program where I did a few pull-ups after only 4 weeks of training and miraculously a size 8 overnight.
They must have misunderstood my membership plan.
But here's the good news-- I jogged the 200m. No whining. No joke.
I even encouraged the people who also politely asked "Can I do something other than run?"
Yep. I've tried that, too.
And the answer is still apparently no.
I think they might enjoy the torture.
Rather than have the simple training bar for the deadlifts, as I did on the first day last month, I lifted 65 lbs. Woo hoo! My time was about the same, but I that's a big difference.
I still can't do push-ups and opted for the hand release modified version.
And for whatever reason, I feel like this next month will solidify what I learned this past month. And I will start focusing on the primal/paleo diet a little more (after the holiday).
And then it will be up to me to decide what do to with it. I've got the tools. I've got a good plan.
Now I actually have to stick with it and do it.
Friday, June 29, 2012
I Did It
I finished the "Elements" or intro class to Crossfit.
I decided to repeat it before jumping in to the real classes. Because I figure if I take another month to focus on the basics, it will be a little easier. Because I'm a wimp. The really fit people scare me a little, to be honest.
Another woman in our class has also decided to repeat again, which makes me feel a little better. Let's just say neither one of us are spring chickens.
But here's the thing-- we didn't quit.
Don't get me wrong, I seriously considered quitting in the middle of the second week as I was hanging from the pull-up bar envisioning that one day I may actually be able to lift my legs, reflecting on the times when I could do 100 knee lifts and not break a sweat through the first 50.
Hanging. Dangling. Reminiscing.
Pissed.
Pissed at me for somehow getting in the position where hanging on was the best I could bring.
Pissed at the sad looks I got from the others in the class.
Pissed at the coach for clapping my achievement of simply not falling from the bar.
Really?
Hey. I am better than this.
So as I hung there like deer meat waiting to be processed,I decided not to quit.
Okay, maybe not right then. Maybe it was on the drive home. Or that night. Or whenever the humiliation finally subsided.
Regardless, I didn't quit. Neither did the other woman.
And while I may not be moving on to superfitdom any time soon, I am not going back.
No, I lost no weight. Not a pound.
But...
My clothes are loose.
I helped my parents move last week. I was lifting and moving things like a pro.
I carried 30 pounds of dog food in from the car today like it was nothing.
I'll take it.
I will proudly repeat the intro class.
Because I will not quit.
I may suck. A lot. For a long time.
But I will not quit.
I decided to repeat it before jumping in to the real classes. Because I figure if I take another month to focus on the basics, it will be a little easier. Because I'm a wimp. The really fit people scare me a little, to be honest.
Another woman in our class has also decided to repeat again, which makes me feel a little better. Let's just say neither one of us are spring chickens.
But here's the thing-- we didn't quit.
Don't get me wrong, I seriously considered quitting in the middle of the second week as I was hanging from the pull-up bar envisioning that one day I may actually be able to lift my legs, reflecting on the times when I could do 100 knee lifts and not break a sweat through the first 50.
Hanging. Dangling. Reminiscing.
Pissed.
Pissed at me for somehow getting in the position where hanging on was the best I could bring.
Pissed at the sad looks I got from the others in the class.
Pissed at the coach for clapping my achievement of simply not falling from the bar.
Really?
Hey. I am better than this.
So as I hung there like deer meat waiting to be processed,I decided not to quit.
Okay, maybe not right then. Maybe it was on the drive home. Or that night. Or whenever the humiliation finally subsided.
Regardless, I didn't quit. Neither did the other woman.
And while I may not be moving on to superfitdom any time soon, I am not going back.
No, I lost no weight. Not a pound.
But...
My clothes are loose.
I helped my parents move last week. I was lifting and moving things like a pro.
I carried 30 pounds of dog food in from the car today like it was nothing.
I'll take it.
I will proudly repeat the intro class.
Because I will not quit.
I may suck. A lot. For a long time.
But I will not quit.
What is This Crossfit of Which You Speak?
Reposted from "Mama Bean's World"
I started doing Crossfit 3 weeks ago. I've been posting about my trials and tribulations on Facebook and have mentioned it in this blog and my weight loss blog.
But on a regular basis I get asked "What exactly IS Crossfit?"
Crossfit uses natural body movements and resistance to build a core level of fitness that can be utilized in daily activities as well as sports.
Okay, so what is it really?
There is limited equipment use- pull up bars, kettel bells, barbells, dumbbells, gymnastic rings, rowing machines, boxes and bands. Many of the exercises are simple ones from PE class- burpees, push ups, sit ups and squats.
There is a Workout of the Day (WOD) that is on the whiteboard. (The workouts are often named after women-- which is what caught my attention. My former high school principal would post that he did 8 reps of Mary. I would comment "Did you at least buy her dinner?") They are either time based (AMRAP)-- as many rounds as possible during set time period or round based-- 6 rounds and going for your best time.
The workouts vary daily- and I mean vary. I am currently taking a beginner intro class, so much of our class is spent on technique. The gym that I go to (or box as they call it), the coaches are very into making sure you do it right. All of the exercises can be scaled down-- sometimes not enough for me, to be honest.
We started the day with a 400m Indian Run (which I opted to walk and save my tribe, but through their encouragement joined back into). Then we did band exercises for the remaining warm up. The actual work out, after reviewing the techniques were 20, 15, 10 thrusters (barbell squats to an overhead push press) alternating with 10, 15, 20 kettel bell swings.
What I really like about it is that while I am sore, I am never hurt. The varying workouts are logically designed and coordinated so that I work everything during the week without overfocusing on one exercise (which I do when I work out on my own).
So that's the basics.
Now MY version of Crossfit is a little different.
It involves moaning, whining, and figuring out the lowest/easiest form of what ever the exercise is. I never thought I could jump 18 inches onto a box. I can. I still cannot do a pull up, but I can do modified dips on the rings far better than I could have imagined.
I giggle when they use the term snatch. I'm sorry. It's funny.
I often roll my eyes.
I described burpees to one unsuspecting classmate as "the thing that coaches make you do when you piss them off." No, it is NOT an opportunity to further enhance your athleticism, although that was a lovely way for our coach to put it.
When I was doing kettel bell swings and the coach said I needed to pop and explode my hips more, I couldn't keep as straight face as he demonstrated a fierce hip thrust. I kept thinking "I've been married 10 years-- my hips stopped doing that a long time ago..." (my husband doesn't think that's funny, by the way...).
I am a bad Crossfitter.
I haven't lost any weight, shockingly. But what I have noticed is my clothes are looser and more importantly, when I was helping my parents move last week, I was insanely stronger. I lifted things, twisted more smoothly-- I was stunned. Last year at this time, I was on the couch recovering from surgery after having spending the large portion of the spring in constant back pain. I couldn't bend over to tie my shoes, let alone lift a 50 lb box.
What a difference a year makes.
To the other crossfitters I'm probably just an old, fat chick slowing them down. To me, I'm fighting from the inside out. No, hanging from the pull up bar for 30 seconds was not as great as doing 7 knee ups, but it really IS the best I've got as humiliating as it is. And last year, I wouldn't have lasted 10 seconds. Or even tried.
I'm scared to death to try the "real" class next week. I'm afraid I'm in over my head.
But I am going to try. With my sarcastic bubble over my head, of course.
Because the strange thing is, as terrible as I am at it (and trust me, I am TERRIBLE), it's a bit addicting. I was warned that it was cultish. It is. It's not fun, but it feels more like play. A torturous, hellish play, but still it's a game-- beat your times, beat your rounds. It's inherently self-competitive without being competitive with others. My balance is getting better. My core is stronger. I'm sleeping better.
It appears that it works. No matter how bad I am, it's still working. I've decided to stay off the scale for the remainder of the summer. I want to be fit. Besides, even if I never lose a pound, I still need to exercise for the rest of my life.
So that's what Crossfit is. In a way, it's become a personal quest for me to just be able to do the work outs. I think it's something different to everyone. It's not just an exercise class. That doesn't even begin to describe it.
If you're looking into it, don't wait. Give it a shot. It is difficult. It is overwhelming. But until you've done it, you won't understand.
I started doing Crossfit 3 weeks ago. I've been posting about my trials and tribulations on Facebook and have mentioned it in this blog and my weight loss blog.
But on a regular basis I get asked "What exactly IS Crossfit?"
Crossfit uses natural body movements and resistance to build a core level of fitness that can be utilized in daily activities as well as sports.
Okay, so what is it really?
There is limited equipment use- pull up bars, kettel bells, barbells, dumbbells, gymnastic rings, rowing machines, boxes and bands. Many of the exercises are simple ones from PE class- burpees, push ups, sit ups and squats.
There is a Workout of the Day (WOD) that is on the whiteboard. (The workouts are often named after women-- which is what caught my attention. My former high school principal would post that he did 8 reps of Mary. I would comment "Did you at least buy her dinner?") They are either time based (AMRAP)-- as many rounds as possible during set time period or round based-- 6 rounds and going for your best time.
The workouts vary daily- and I mean vary. I am currently taking a beginner intro class, so much of our class is spent on technique. The gym that I go to (or box as they call it), the coaches are very into making sure you do it right. All of the exercises can be scaled down-- sometimes not enough for me, to be honest.
We started the day with a 400m Indian Run (which I opted to walk and save my tribe, but through their encouragement joined back into). Then we did band exercises for the remaining warm up. The actual work out, after reviewing the techniques were 20, 15, 10 thrusters (barbell squats to an overhead push press) alternating with 10, 15, 20 kettel bell swings.
What I really like about it is that while I am sore, I am never hurt. The varying workouts are logically designed and coordinated so that I work everything during the week without overfocusing on one exercise (which I do when I work out on my own).
So that's the basics.
Now MY version of Crossfit is a little different.
It involves moaning, whining, and figuring out the lowest/easiest form of what ever the exercise is. I never thought I could jump 18 inches onto a box. I can. I still cannot do a pull up, but I can do modified dips on the rings far better than I could have imagined.
I giggle when they use the term snatch. I'm sorry. It's funny.
I often roll my eyes.
I described burpees to one unsuspecting classmate as "the thing that coaches make you do when you piss them off." No, it is NOT an opportunity to further enhance your athleticism, although that was a lovely way for our coach to put it.
When I was doing kettel bell swings and the coach said I needed to pop and explode my hips more, I couldn't keep as straight face as he demonstrated a fierce hip thrust. I kept thinking "I've been married 10 years-- my hips stopped doing that a long time ago..." (my husband doesn't think that's funny, by the way...).
I am a bad Crossfitter.
I haven't lost any weight, shockingly. But what I have noticed is my clothes are looser and more importantly, when I was helping my parents move last week, I was insanely stronger. I lifted things, twisted more smoothly-- I was stunned. Last year at this time, I was on the couch recovering from surgery after having spending the large portion of the spring in constant back pain. I couldn't bend over to tie my shoes, let alone lift a 50 lb box.
What a difference a year makes.
To the other crossfitters I'm probably just an old, fat chick slowing them down. To me, I'm fighting from the inside out. No, hanging from the pull up bar for 30 seconds was not as great as doing 7 knee ups, but it really IS the best I've got as humiliating as it is. And last year, I wouldn't have lasted 10 seconds. Or even tried.
I'm scared to death to try the "real" class next week. I'm afraid I'm in over my head.
But I am going to try. With my sarcastic bubble over my head, of course.
Because the strange thing is, as terrible as I am at it (and trust me, I am TERRIBLE), it's a bit addicting. I was warned that it was cultish. It is. It's not fun, but it feels more like play. A torturous, hellish play, but still it's a game-- beat your times, beat your rounds. It's inherently self-competitive without being competitive with others. My balance is getting better. My core is stronger. I'm sleeping better.
It appears that it works. No matter how bad I am, it's still working. I've decided to stay off the scale for the remainder of the summer. I want to be fit. Besides, even if I never lose a pound, I still need to exercise for the rest of my life.
So that's what Crossfit is. In a way, it's become a personal quest for me to just be able to do the work outs. I think it's something different to everyone. It's not just an exercise class. That doesn't even begin to describe it.
If you're looking into it, don't wait. Give it a shot. It is difficult. It is overwhelming. But until you've done it, you won't understand.
Running
Reposted from my blog "Mama Bean's World"
I don't like to run.
At all.
It is not fun to me.
Now you can try and convince me that it's great exercise.
Sure.
Because every great exercise starts with me groaning, bitching and wishing I were dead.
I get that some people find it exciting. They like to beat their times. They find it relaxing.
I do not.
For whatever reason, I cannot run. I mean, if an axe murderer were chasing me, I probably could. But it would have to be a big axe. Really big.
I think the reason my ancestors IQ's developed is because we were too slow to outrun the bear and were therefore forced to figure out ways to outsmart the bear.
My slowness has clearly benefited me.
But yet with this new Crossfit thing, I am being forced to learn to run.
I very seriously can walk faster. No joke.
I have a big, fat butt. I have skinny, weak ankles.
Explain to me why it's a good thing to force the issue?
Everyone I know seems to be running marathons or half marathons.
I run errands.
I did "run" a 5k. A kindergarten class beat me. They were juicing. Capri Sun. Not the waters, the full juice. The hard stuff. And I am NOT making this up.
So I plod and waddle along. I hear that someday I may enjoy it.
Don't hold your breath.
I don't like to run.
At all.
It is not fun to me.
Now you can try and convince me that it's great exercise.
Sure.
Because every great exercise starts with me groaning, bitching and wishing I were dead.
I get that some people find it exciting. They like to beat their times. They find it relaxing.
I do not.
For whatever reason, I cannot run. I mean, if an axe murderer were chasing me, I probably could. But it would have to be a big axe. Really big.
I think the reason my ancestors IQ's developed is because we were too slow to outrun the bear and were therefore forced to figure out ways to outsmart the bear.
My slowness has clearly benefited me.
But yet with this new Crossfit thing, I am being forced to learn to run.
I very seriously can walk faster. No joke.
I have a big, fat butt. I have skinny, weak ankles.
Explain to me why it's a good thing to force the issue?
Everyone I know seems to be running marathons or half marathons.
I run errands.
I did "run" a 5k. A kindergarten class beat me. They were juicing. Capri Sun. Not the waters, the full juice. The hard stuff. And I am NOT making this up.
So I plod and waddle along. I hear that someday I may enjoy it.
Don't hold your breath.
Why I am Doing Crossfit...
Repost from my regular blog "Mama Bean's World"
I am 42.
Overweight.
No flexibility.
I can't run.
I also have started one of the most intense workout programs of my life- Crossfit.
I first heard about Crossfit because my former high school principal started posting things like "I did Fran in 14:05"-- and I would respond "Does that include cuddle time?" He told me about Crossfit. Many of the workouts are named after the trainers. He also sent me a note when he saw how I had spent the past 6 months struggling with Weight Watchers with very little benefit. He thought it might be what I needed.
I looked into it. The way the schedule worked for the one nearest me, I had to wait until summer. Being a mom, a business owner-- there's not a lot of free time. Spring is also when my husband coaches track, so any every minute is accounted for until school is out. I didn't want to start something that I knew I couldn't do or would stick with.
I had another friend Shane (not my hubby) who also was doing it. He loved it. He sent me some encouraging links. And my friend Jay... And the list goes on and on.
Everyone-- especially the people who "knew me when"- cheered me on. My friend Emily in Connecticut started it as well. My friend Deanne in Illinois starts next week.
So why, out of all the things in the world did I decide to do something that is entirely out of the box for me?
First, nothing else was working. I am the quintessential low fat, reduced calorie, lotsa cardio example of how to get fat. I have exercised and dieted my metabolism into nothing.
Second, and this is the real reason. I had to. It looks impossible to me. So I had to do it.
Reconnecting with those people who "knew me when" was why. I used to take on every challenge with determination. There was nothing I couldn't do. After high school, when I was set to be an exchange student, my paperwork got screwed up. I was being sent to an entirely different country where I didn't speak the language. I thought about bailing, but then I figured what the heck-- why not? That was me.
When I picked colleges, a few people commented there was no way I could get into an Ivy League school- I should play it safe. I didn't. I loved every minute of having exceptional professors and meeting some of the brightest people that I still call friends.
I packed up my car, left a cushy job and started a new life, 2000 miles away in a city where I knew 1 person-- that I met a week before I graduated college and had had a 20 minute conversation with. I went into a male dominated industry, had a 95-98% chance of failing and I survived. I thrived even. That was me.
Then I got a little lazy. I joked that I started to play The Lowest Common Denominator Game-- how mediocre could I be and still be considered successful? And it was a very easy lifestyle to get sucked into. Into mediocrity.
I need this. Not so I look good. I don't care if I ever have my 21 year old body back.
I need this for my head. I need this because I need to prove that I am still that person-- the one who could look at rock wall and think "I can climb that"- not "Let's go get lattes instead." I need to remember how it feels to be strong. How it feels to easily run up a flight a stairs. How it feels to have a strong core. How it made me sing better. I need to remember how it feels when I look at something I can't do, focus and do it. How it feels to accomplish something that seems impossible.
Doing a pull up seems impossible to me. Easily running 400m seems like a dream-- 200m is a stretch. Easily doing regular push-ups. I can't.
I can't do any of those things.
Yet.
I need to do this for me.
Not to be skinny.
Not to lose weight.
But to remember that I am brave.
That I am not defined by a title on a business card.
That anything is possible.
I need to do this so I can find the girl I "knew when."
I am 42.
Overweight.
No flexibility.
I can't run.
I also have started one of the most intense workout programs of my life- Crossfit.
I first heard about Crossfit because my former high school principal started posting things like "I did Fran in 14:05"-- and I would respond "Does that include cuddle time?" He told me about Crossfit. Many of the workouts are named after the trainers. He also sent me a note when he saw how I had spent the past 6 months struggling with Weight Watchers with very little benefit. He thought it might be what I needed.
I looked into it. The way the schedule worked for the one nearest me, I had to wait until summer. Being a mom, a business owner-- there's not a lot of free time. Spring is also when my husband coaches track, so any every minute is accounted for until school is out. I didn't want to start something that I knew I couldn't do or would stick with.
I had another friend Shane (not my hubby) who also was doing it. He loved it. He sent me some encouraging links. And my friend Jay... And the list goes on and on.
Everyone-- especially the people who "knew me when"- cheered me on. My friend Emily in Connecticut started it as well. My friend Deanne in Illinois starts next week.
So why, out of all the things in the world did I decide to do something that is entirely out of the box for me?
First, nothing else was working. I am the quintessential low fat, reduced calorie, lotsa cardio example of how to get fat. I have exercised and dieted my metabolism into nothing.
Second, and this is the real reason. I had to. It looks impossible to me. So I had to do it.
Reconnecting with those people who "knew me when" was why. I used to take on every challenge with determination. There was nothing I couldn't do. After high school, when I was set to be an exchange student, my paperwork got screwed up. I was being sent to an entirely different country where I didn't speak the language. I thought about bailing, but then I figured what the heck-- why not? That was me.
When I picked colleges, a few people commented there was no way I could get into an Ivy League school- I should play it safe. I didn't. I loved every minute of having exceptional professors and meeting some of the brightest people that I still call friends.
I packed up my car, left a cushy job and started a new life, 2000 miles away in a city where I knew 1 person-- that I met a week before I graduated college and had had a 20 minute conversation with. I went into a male dominated industry, had a 95-98% chance of failing and I survived. I thrived even. That was me.
Then I got a little lazy. I joked that I started to play The Lowest Common Denominator Game-- how mediocre could I be and still be considered successful? And it was a very easy lifestyle to get sucked into. Into mediocrity.
I need this. Not so I look good. I don't care if I ever have my 21 year old body back.
I need this for my head. I need this because I need to prove that I am still that person-- the one who could look at rock wall and think "I can climb that"- not "Let's go get lattes instead." I need to remember how it feels to be strong. How it feels to easily run up a flight a stairs. How it feels to have a strong core. How it made me sing better. I need to remember how it feels when I look at something I can't do, focus and do it. How it feels to accomplish something that seems impossible.
Doing a pull up seems impossible to me. Easily running 400m seems like a dream-- 200m is a stretch. Easily doing regular push-ups. I can't.
I can't do any of those things.
Yet.
I need to do this for me.
Not to be skinny.
Not to lose weight.
But to remember that I am brave.
That I am not defined by a title on a business card.
That anything is possible.
I need to do this so I can find the girl I "knew when."
Friday, June 8, 2012
Week One of Crossfit: DONE
So I started my Crossfit journey, last week. I am sore. I am tired. I am out of shape. I am humiliated. I feel old. I feel fat.
I don't feel like quitting.
I almost ran 200m today. Not a big deal, but honestly, I barely made it 20m last Saturday. Next week I will make it.
My neck, however, has had better days. I'm hoping that little pop I heard in my neck from trying to do a supported head stand, wasn't a big deal.
The thing I am liking the most-- my legs were dying yesterday. Today it's my arms. Great. Perpetual pain. Lucky me. It is more sore than painful, though. I can handle sore. Sore feels like my muscles waking up. Remembering what they are there for.
I have a weird feeling that I will need to repeat the Elements class-- because I'm just not getting the movements as naturally as I would like. I think it's partly do to the fact that my center of gravity is not quite what most of the people in the class have. I've got more, um, lower momentum than most. Handstands... seriously? My ass over my head? Sure. That's gonna happen tomorrow.... I think not.
But hey, I can almost do a lap.
Woo hoo.
I am a machine.
Sigh.
I don't feel like quitting.
I almost ran 200m today. Not a big deal, but honestly, I barely made it 20m last Saturday. Next week I will make it.
My neck, however, has had better days. I'm hoping that little pop I heard in my neck from trying to do a supported head stand, wasn't a big deal.
The thing I am liking the most-- my legs were dying yesterday. Today it's my arms. Great. Perpetual pain. Lucky me. It is more sore than painful, though. I can handle sore. Sore feels like my muscles waking up. Remembering what they are there for.
I have a weird feeling that I will need to repeat the Elements class-- because I'm just not getting the movements as naturally as I would like. I think it's partly do to the fact that my center of gravity is not quite what most of the people in the class have. I've got more, um, lower momentum than most. Handstands... seriously? My ass over my head? Sure. That's gonna happen tomorrow.... I think not.
But hey, I can almost do a lap.
Woo hoo.
I am a machine.
Sigh.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
A New Day, A New Adventure
Today, I went to a demo/intro for Cross Fit.
I think I am going to die.
First, I am not a runner. I tried to train for a 5k a few years ago. Here's the thing... I don't like it. You would think I do. I like to listen to music, time to myself-- seems like a perfect sport for me. But I have hated it my whole life. I have asthma and it's always been a hassle. Plus, I just don't like it. Maybe this will change for me, but I doubt.
With that said, I need to be able to run more than 400m. Which apparently, I cannot. That is very, very, very sad. So yes, running is part of fitness, but I think the reason my brain developed is because my genetic makeup is that I can't outrun the bear, but perhaps I can outsmart it.
Second, I kicked it on the kettle bells. When I first picked it up I thought "You want me to do WHAT with this?" Easy. Tomorrow when I can't move, ask me again.
Third, I suck at push ups. I barely got through doing them modified.
So why did I sign up for a program that involves push-ups, running, pull-ups-- all things I suck at?
Because I suck at them. What I was doing wasn't working and I happily appreciate that other people knew more. It was time to really step out of the box.
I was a little taken aback when I was CLEARLY the least fit person in the room. By a long shot. The website had said they welcomed people of all fitness levels. Maybe everyone got into great shape?!?! One woman who was nice enough to befriend me (fat people were not welcome--- I know the vibe), commented after seeing me do the strength portion easily "Don't let the outsides fool you." I swear, I very honestly think God puts people in my life at the exact right moment saying the exact right thing. It's eerie, in fact. I needed to hear that. And she was right. I am a terrible runner. I will get better. But I don't suck at everything.
And here's the thing-- I was there. I wasn't on the couch.
Yes, I did ask if they would be serving donuts and coffee during the informational session. They did not, but they did laugh.
My take on the situation is either this will be the thing for me or it will be too difficult or I won't have the mental tenacity to do it. I can either be their biggest success story or put this in the pile "Well, I tried it....but I'm not there yet." For some reason, knowing how I feel at this moment, I think this is the thing for me. I like that they talk about strength and power- not numbers and points.
Being fit has always been more important to me than being thin. I focused on losing weight last year. This year, I am focusing on being fit. This summer, my focus will be Cross Fit.
I think I am going to die.
First, I am not a runner. I tried to train for a 5k a few years ago. Here's the thing... I don't like it. You would think I do. I like to listen to music, time to myself-- seems like a perfect sport for me. But I have hated it my whole life. I have asthma and it's always been a hassle. Plus, I just don't like it. Maybe this will change for me, but I doubt.
With that said, I need to be able to run more than 400m. Which apparently, I cannot. That is very, very, very sad. So yes, running is part of fitness, but I think the reason my brain developed is because my genetic makeup is that I can't outrun the bear, but perhaps I can outsmart it.
Second, I kicked it on the kettle bells. When I first picked it up I thought "You want me to do WHAT with this?" Easy. Tomorrow when I can't move, ask me again.
Third, I suck at push ups. I barely got through doing them modified.
So why did I sign up for a program that involves push-ups, running, pull-ups-- all things I suck at?
Because I suck at them. What I was doing wasn't working and I happily appreciate that other people knew more. It was time to really step out of the box.
I was a little taken aback when I was CLEARLY the least fit person in the room. By a long shot. The website had said they welcomed people of all fitness levels. Maybe everyone got into great shape?!?! One woman who was nice enough to befriend me (fat people were not welcome--- I know the vibe), commented after seeing me do the strength portion easily "Don't let the outsides fool you." I swear, I very honestly think God puts people in my life at the exact right moment saying the exact right thing. It's eerie, in fact. I needed to hear that. And she was right. I am a terrible runner. I will get better. But I don't suck at everything.
And here's the thing-- I was there. I wasn't on the couch.
Yes, I did ask if they would be serving donuts and coffee during the informational session. They did not, but they did laugh.
My take on the situation is either this will be the thing for me or it will be too difficult or I won't have the mental tenacity to do it. I can either be their biggest success story or put this in the pile "Well, I tried it....but I'm not there yet." For some reason, knowing how I feel at this moment, I think this is the thing for me. I like that they talk about strength and power- not numbers and points.
Being fit has always been more important to me than being thin. I focused on losing weight last year. This year, I am focusing on being fit. This summer, my focus will be Cross Fit.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Restarting the weight loss blog... but with a different focus
I decided to revive this blog. I will link it to my more popular, varied blog Mama Bean's World.
I've learned a lot in the past year specifically about my weight issues.
#1- I eat very well most of the time.
#2- Diets don't work and are demoralizing.
#3- Calories In- Calories Out = Weight Loss isn't necessarily true for me.
Okay, so before the skinny people start talking about "#3 is wrong...", good for you. I will take a lie detector test. I logged everything for 6 months. I wear a heart rate monitor when I exercise- as I became more fit I burned less calories- so I am very confident I didn't underestimate my work outs.
I was doing Weight Watchers the last time I blogged here. I think Weight Watchers is a great place for people to start. I really enjoyed the camaraderie with my friends. Other than that, well, um, the points, the free fruit, the low fat, high grains-- I lost 11 pounds in 6 months. The good news, I kept it off without paying $50 a month. Their new program made a little more sense to me since it allowed you to eat fruit, but on the flip side, it was basically a low cal, low fat diet that assumed that I never ate fruits or vegetables. Since I do eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, making them "free" upped my calories. Not good. Hence I stopped losing weight. And i was getting very irritated when people kept implying that I wasn't tracking. Yes, I was. I stayed within their magic guidelines and nothing for 2 months. NOTHING.
So I took a break, managed to stay the same for a few months, upped my workouts and still nothing. But I was $150 richer.
I had planned on starting Cross Fit this summer after a few friends had a lot of success- all at various ages and fitness levels. Within Cross Fit is a subculture of eating paleo or primal style. My friend Helen has been doing this and swore by it. It really isn't a diet. How do I know this? Most diets wean you off their "lifestyle change" programs. Which, to me, implies they are, in fact diets. Everything I've read on Paleo & Primal-- and there's a ton out there-- wean you ON. There is no off. Some are fanatical. Most, however, say "Try to do this 80-85% of the time." There is no "Eat this on Monday." It's a list of foods to eat, things to avoid some time, things to avoid most of the time, things to avoid nearly all the time. The mantra is "If it has a label, it isn't food." Yep. There is no counting. No weighing. Eat until you're full. There are some tips on how to do that (if you've dieted for 20 years like me, it's a hard concept).
When I was a kid, I got sick a lot. I was a "picky" eater, but to be honest, I think I was just very sensitive to food. Most of the foods I didn't like are on the list of things to avoid. My daughter is a very healthy eater. She does the same thing. She is thin and very energetic. Hmmm.....
I started the 80-85% phase in this past week.
I've lost 3 1/2 pounds.
More than I ever lost in 1 week on WW's. And I never counted a single morsel.
As I said, I read a lot about it before starting it. I was hesitant. I was programmed to think oatmeal every day was a good thing. I like oatmeal. And beans? Beans are bad. But I AM a bean. And I've always eaten beans because they are good for me....
Wait... what's that in the mirror? My reflection??
To quote Dr. Phil "How's that workin' for ya?"
Okay. I bite. I'll give it a try.
I had no idea how easy it would be.
This isn't some bizarre diet either. It's not Atkins telling me to eat bacon. It's a very normal diet of eating meat & fish- preferably fresh and lean (very convenient since we have a freezer full of fish we've caught and elk meat from my husband's hunting adventures). I already switched to organic chicken last year when we noticed 1 organic chicken feed 4 adults and 2 kids with leftovers, whereas the regular chicken barely feed 2 adults and 2 kids- and tasted nasty. The organic was well worth the price.
I can eat fruit. If I want to lose weight, it advises to go easy-- but not at first.
Potatoes are okay in moderation, like once every 2 weeks.
And grains- none. I am not a bread fan, so that's okay. But I do like corn. And crackers. Again, a little goes a long way. And oatmeal? Well, if you say so...
The bean thing threw me, but again, my reflection seems to argue their point.
Nuts are big.
Nuts, berries, lean proteins, fruits and vegetables... this is not crazy stuff.
And as for my exercise regime-- I loved that all the books basically say the same thing-- exercise is a small part of weight loss. Food is the primary thing. Less cardio, more bursts of exercise- like our ancestors. Natural movement. Flexibility.
So why not?
And if it doesn't work... you know what? I'm confident it will. I approached Weight Watchers with a "we'll see what the fuss is approach"-- I believe I compared it to the third Circle of Dante's Descent into Suburban Hell-- but this, this makes sense to me.
My friend Candi has been eating like this and has lost no weight, but feels fantastic. Her skin is glowing. She is sleeping well and has energy. She started Roller Derby (did I mention I have fantastic, crazy friends??!).
I'm good with that.
I am VERY excited about Cross Fit. I hear it's a cult- which is why I separated the blog again. In case I start to get preachy about it.
So here I go....
I've learned a lot in the past year specifically about my weight issues.
#1- I eat very well most of the time.
#2- Diets don't work and are demoralizing.
#3- Calories In- Calories Out = Weight Loss isn't necessarily true for me.
Okay, so before the skinny people start talking about "#3 is wrong...", good for you. I will take a lie detector test. I logged everything for 6 months. I wear a heart rate monitor when I exercise- as I became more fit I burned less calories- so I am very confident I didn't underestimate my work outs.
I was doing Weight Watchers the last time I blogged here. I think Weight Watchers is a great place for people to start. I really enjoyed the camaraderie with my friends. Other than that, well, um, the points, the free fruit, the low fat, high grains-- I lost 11 pounds in 6 months. The good news, I kept it off without paying $50 a month. Their new program made a little more sense to me since it allowed you to eat fruit, but on the flip side, it was basically a low cal, low fat diet that assumed that I never ate fruits or vegetables. Since I do eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, making them "free" upped my calories. Not good. Hence I stopped losing weight. And i was getting very irritated when people kept implying that I wasn't tracking. Yes, I was. I stayed within their magic guidelines and nothing for 2 months. NOTHING.
So I took a break, managed to stay the same for a few months, upped my workouts and still nothing. But I was $150 richer.
I had planned on starting Cross Fit this summer after a few friends had a lot of success- all at various ages and fitness levels. Within Cross Fit is a subculture of eating paleo or primal style. My friend Helen has been doing this and swore by it. It really isn't a diet. How do I know this? Most diets wean you off their "lifestyle change" programs. Which, to me, implies they are, in fact diets. Everything I've read on Paleo & Primal-- and there's a ton out there-- wean you ON. There is no off. Some are fanatical. Most, however, say "Try to do this 80-85% of the time." There is no "Eat this on Monday." It's a list of foods to eat, things to avoid some time, things to avoid most of the time, things to avoid nearly all the time. The mantra is "If it has a label, it isn't food." Yep. There is no counting. No weighing. Eat until you're full. There are some tips on how to do that (if you've dieted for 20 years like me, it's a hard concept).
When I was a kid, I got sick a lot. I was a "picky" eater, but to be honest, I think I was just very sensitive to food. Most of the foods I didn't like are on the list of things to avoid. My daughter is a very healthy eater. She does the same thing. She is thin and very energetic. Hmmm.....
I started the 80-85% phase in this past week.
I've lost 3 1/2 pounds.
More than I ever lost in 1 week on WW's. And I never counted a single morsel.
As I said, I read a lot about it before starting it. I was hesitant. I was programmed to think oatmeal every day was a good thing. I like oatmeal. And beans? Beans are bad. But I AM a bean. And I've always eaten beans because they are good for me....
Wait... what's that in the mirror? My reflection??
To quote Dr. Phil "How's that workin' for ya?"
Okay. I bite. I'll give it a try.
I had no idea how easy it would be.
This isn't some bizarre diet either. It's not Atkins telling me to eat bacon. It's a very normal diet of eating meat & fish- preferably fresh and lean (very convenient since we have a freezer full of fish we've caught and elk meat from my husband's hunting adventures). I already switched to organic chicken last year when we noticed 1 organic chicken feed 4 adults and 2 kids with leftovers, whereas the regular chicken barely feed 2 adults and 2 kids- and tasted nasty. The organic was well worth the price.
I can eat fruit. If I want to lose weight, it advises to go easy-- but not at first.
Potatoes are okay in moderation, like once every 2 weeks.
And grains- none. I am not a bread fan, so that's okay. But I do like corn. And crackers. Again, a little goes a long way. And oatmeal? Well, if you say so...
The bean thing threw me, but again, my reflection seems to argue their point.
Nuts are big.
Nuts, berries, lean proteins, fruits and vegetables... this is not crazy stuff.
And as for my exercise regime-- I loved that all the books basically say the same thing-- exercise is a small part of weight loss. Food is the primary thing. Less cardio, more bursts of exercise- like our ancestors. Natural movement. Flexibility.
So why not?
And if it doesn't work... you know what? I'm confident it will. I approached Weight Watchers with a "we'll see what the fuss is approach"-- I believe I compared it to the third Circle of Dante's Descent into Suburban Hell-- but this, this makes sense to me.
My friend Candi has been eating like this and has lost no weight, but feels fantastic. Her skin is glowing. She is sleeping well and has energy. She started Roller Derby (did I mention I have fantastic, crazy friends??!).
I'm good with that.
I am VERY excited about Cross Fit. I hear it's a cult- which is why I separated the blog again. In case I start to get preachy about it.
So here I go....
Monday, January 16, 2012
I couldn't keep up with two blogs...
I had my other blog "Mama Bean's World" and started this as a secondary blog.
There are not enough hours in the day---
So, if you would still like to follow my s l o w weight loss, please join me at:
http://mrsbeansblog.blogspot.com/2012/01/losing-weight-publicly.html
I've really enjoyed the support of everyone!
There are not enough hours in the day---
So, if you would still like to follow my s l o w weight loss, please join me at:
http://mrsbeansblog.blogspot.com/2012/01/losing-weight-publicly.html
I've really enjoyed the support of everyone!
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