The Dark Side of Mama Bean

If you're here reading this, it's either because we're friends on Facebook or you follow my other blog "Mama Bean's World."

After some thought, I decided to start a secondary blog solely focusing on my weight loss journey.

While I realize that this is clearly part of my world, it's also a separate part of it.  I have to get this weight off.  It's nothing to joke about.  It's going to take a LOT of work.  It's not going to be easy.  It's going to require focus and commitment. 

It's my private battle- that I've decided to share with the entire world, naturally.

This is not going to be particularly amusing.

It also doesn't involve my family, my friends, or my work.  It's all me.

I can't not succeed.  There is too much at stake.  Staying fat and funny is no longer an option.

I joined Weight Watchers last week.  It was completely demoralizing to realize that I need stickers to motivate me.  I am smarter than that.  I know what to do.  Sadly, that doesn't mean I'm doing it.  So I will pay $10.50 a week to stand on the scale and get stickers.

No shit.

The meeting this Sunday was entertaining to say the least.  Our leader was dressed in head to toe in purple.  He likes to clap with his little clapper thing.  He sang.  It was my biggest nightmare.

However...

He had some pretty terrific things to say.  I'd heard them all before, but perhaps it was just the right time to actually get it in my head.

He said not to exclude foods, because they would be there when I hit my goal weight.  I need to learn to eat them now, in moderation, or this isn't going to work.

He said to do the program- it works.  It's not difficult.  It takes effort, but is not impossible.  He said he never heard anyone talk about reaching his or her goal weight by going at it half-assed.  (I'm paraphrasing).

He told a story about a woman he ran into at a coffee shop who had a piece of lemon merengue pie in front of her.  After she saw him, she didn't eat it.  He said "Eat the pie."  Then added, all you have to do is make the adjustment, exercise more, eat less later, but eat the stupid pie if that's what you want.  Just track it and acknowledge it.

I like this program.  It's about teaching me to break bad habits.  Fruit and veggies are mostly 0 points. I know if I eat 50 apples a day I will gain weight (and get sick), but it already has me reaching for an apple as opposed to a cracker.  Which lead to a box.  And then some cheese.  Because if you give Mama Bean a cracker, she's going to want something to go with it...

I am not going to be posting my weight, my measurements, my exercise regime.

I am going to be posting my thoughts on how much I hate that it has come to this.  On how hard it is.  On how easy it will hopefully become. On how I feel about the process.  How my life has changed since I gained weight.  How it will hopefully be changing as I lose it.  How I am not the person on the inside that you see on the outside.

I will post updates on my sticker progress and when I reach milestones.  Or when I get a compliment.  I have a perfect job for that- I see my clients every 3-6 months.  They will notice.  I will post when I drop a size.  When I achieve something special- like being able to run.

Maybe someone will find it motivating and join me.  I strongly welcome comments.

I am doing this all for me.  The weight loss.  The blog.  It will keep me from reaching for snacks.  It will hold me accountable.

I'm putting it all out there.

Here I go.