Down a little, laughing at WW's politics

Woo hoo!  Down another 1.4 lbs AND I had cake twice and lasagna last week.  I'm liking the Points Plus plan.  I have drunk the Kool-Aid, so to speak.

Anyhow, this blog is a short, less insightful one than my Mama Bean's World one, so if it seems scattered, I apologize.  It's more of a brain fart blog than insightful.

So Ellen and I were at our meeting on Sunday-- already sounds like an AA thing-- and Matt was doing his thing.  This week's outfit- red shirt, yellow belt, green pants and socks-- a stop light.  The topic was time management.  Quirky, but he always has something interesting to say.

As I was waiting in line to be weighed, the woman in front of me who ALWAYS has something to say- you know the type- and I struck up a conversation (I can't go more than 5 minutes without chatting someone up-- you know the type) and I said she needed to go shopping!  She has lost about 40+ pounds and her pants were really baggy.  She smiled.  She started to tell me how great the WW snacks are.  I told her I really don't eat that sort of thing (processed crap that you can buy for about half the cost at the grocery store without the WW logo).  She then made some sort of crack about Matt.  I asked about the old leader (Matt replaced her on the first Sunday I attended).  She said she was great.

Interesting... not what I had heard.  In fact our first meeting started with "Sally (not her real name) decided to step down on her own accord.  I am Matt." The way it was said implied that something had happened and that maybe people in that group had something to do with it.  I heard a few murmurs.

Now that I'm at my third meeting, I have to say, some people are clearly DYING for attention.  We have 1/2 hour to give stickers to those who lost 5 lbs or hit milestones.  They share their stories.  It's actually fairly interesting.

And yes, from what I know about AA, very similar.

ANYHOW, there are a few women in the group that I've noticed that always have something to say or add.  While most of them have lost weight, it's really time for the "award winners" to have the spotlight.  Not for them to run their mouths.  Every week.

I think Matt agrees, because he shuts them down pretty quickly.

So now there are undercurrents of a mutiny.

Okay, maybe not, but I know women.  Trust me.  Someone has already called someone to say something.

Because they didn't get to share their opinion on Trader Joe's.

And as he spoke, the woman I was behind in line who sat behind me, was making comments under her breath.

Listen, lady, get over it.  If you want to be a leader, apply.  You have the personality of gravel.  I don't think you'll get it.  But more importantly- SHUT UP.  Some of us are interested.  If he's not your cup of tea, change groups. 

I do think Matt may be an acquired taste, but one thing is for sure- he's trying to make it fun.  With the clapper and the goofy outfits.  And it's only 30 minutes.

Lighten the frack up.

I have enough stuff in my life.  I don't need WW's to become a drama. What is it with large groups of women??? 

So that's the scoop today!

Still trucking...

I dipped into some of my extra points 2 days in a row.  It was my son's birthday.

I have to say, it appears that everything is okay.  I got on the scale today (and let's just be honest, weighing once a week is going to be a hard habit for me-- if I'm trying to lose, it's a daily event!).  I survived.

I had half a waffle today at breakfast with my daughter.  We split it.  We ate a TON of fruit.  I had a fancy schmancy (as she calls it) coffee.

It all feels very normal and within my points.

It really isn't dieting.

Interesting.

It's all starting to come together.

This week my parents are coming to visit.  I am going to focus on adding a little more exercise.  There's a spin class at 5 am that I once attended.  The return time cuts a little close to my husband's departure time for school.  With my parents here, I can give it a try and see if I make it back in enough time for him to get to work.

It's hard to explain,  but even though I'm still heavier than I was at the beginning of the summer (the summer off with limited exercise following my surgery was not a good thing), I feel lighter.

Is that possible?

I am really going to be happy to hit that 5% goal.  Even though it's more than I was a few months ago.  When they set it at WW, I thought "Big, freaking deal."

It does feel like I'm permanently trending downward, though.  There are no more babies in the plans.  There is no more back pain.  Each number that I hit, I'm saying good bye to it.

For good.

And not for good, hopefully; for good, definitely.

So far, so adequate

Today is my son's birthday.  He wanted lasagna and chocolate cake.  All home made.

The good news- I can control what goes into it.

The bad news- what goes in, is genuinely not great.

I knew I would go over on my points today.  That's what the extra points are for, after all. 

I will say, I did a decent job planning for it.  I took today off in order to be Super Mom.  I really wanted a Starbucks coffe.  I started to go down the path of "Well, I'm going to blow it tonight anyhow, so why not?"

Well, the big why not is because I  can't.  It's not negotiable  I may go over on my points, but I'm not blowing them ALL off.  I have 49 extra points to use every week.  It doesn't mean I have to use them all.  And I certainly don't want to go over.

Now some people might think "Well, it's his birthday, live a little."

Listen, every day is a freaking celebration for me.  No joke.

I need to learn how to celebrate the many fun things in my life without making it about the food. 

It may seem obvious or not significant to you, but to me, not completely giving up today was a HUGE deal.

And right now, I'm sitting here and thinking about the cake in the fridge (it was wonderfully delicious, might I add).

I am not going to have another piece.  In fact, the piece that I had was much smaller than I would have normally had.

I'm very proud of myself.

And after tap dancing tonight, it would have been very easy to grab it from the outside fridge to have a piece while I cooled down.

And I didn't.

I had a nice meal.  Within reason.  And I enjoyed it.

I had to think about it.  It wasn't natural.  But it's a step.


Stress eating and joy eating.  Fought them both this week.  I'm really trying to give up the bad habits.


Slowly but surely, I will get there!

Second weigh in

I had my second weigh-in.  It was my third WW meeting, but considering last week I had only been "on program"-- I'm learning the lingo quite well-- for 3 days, this really felt like my first official.

Last night was interesting.  I actually ended up eating a little late and went over on my WW points.  I remember what Matt, the leader, said last week- eat the pie.  I was hungry.  This isn't about deprivation.  I need to learn to eat when I'm hungry.  I also spent part of the evening watching the 9-11 new specials and wasn't exactly feeling great.  I reached for Oreos.  I put them back.  I knew it wouldn't make me feel better or full.  I made a little open faced pizza that was the same amount of points and did fill me up.  I ate because I was hungry, not because I was sad. I honestly assumed I probably gained or maybe lost half a pound.  Oh, and my husband's aunt posted a horrible picture of me on Facebook.  HORRIBLE.  My husband looked great, though, if I don't say so myself!  He was nice and pointed out that it really was a bad angle and I don't look like that.  Regardless, this will be the photo that I use when I'm sharing my before/after story with Shape Magazine.

So after seeing the picture, knowing I ate late and over, I was a little worried.

I lost 1.4 pounds. 

I thought she had said .4 and I was ecstatic when I saw my tracker and what she had written.

One of my girlfriends that goes with me (I need to ask if I can share their names), was sad that she had only lost 1.6 pounds.  I think when she had done WW before she lost weight more quickly early on.  I think she's going to find the same thing that I did- we actually eat pretty well and it's going to take some time. 

So I'm down 2.2 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks.

Works for me.

Matt wore yellow today.  Still had his clapper.  I thought my friend who just joined was going to crack up.  But again, once I got over the insanity, the guy knows his stuff and he's really passionate about it.

Really passionate.

There was a woman who lost 40 pounds.  She very sincerely said she tracks everything.  Even when she's over.  If she ate it, she tracks it.  I haven't yet, but I can see where I will blow something off- (well, I know I ate it, let's just say it's bad, I'll be better tomorrow, no need to write it down, bad girl....)

After her reminder, I'm writing it all down.  I am going to own it like the brochure this week says.

I feel like I joined a cult.

Today we met a good friend for lunch at my favorite restaurant- Firefly.  I think I was good.  Probably not great.  I looked up what I thought I would eat in advance and tried to plan.  Realistically, I think I'm going to just throw in some extra points for things I didn't quite get right.  I'm sure they use more oil than I could imagine.  I worked in restaurants.  I know.  It ain't pretty.

The meetings are clearly going to make a difference.  I know it already.  Going with friends is going to make a difference.  Having a husband who recently lost 100+ pounds is already making a difference.

Compared to other times that I've tried to lose weight, this time it really IS different.  I have support and a real plan.  

I'm still trying to figure out how to fit the gym in.  5 am is still seeming early, but I'm almost there.  And please don't tell me to work out at home.  With 2 kids and 2 dogs, I can't.  I'll share my yoga story sometime.  It's so funny you might pee.  Also, I enjoy the gym.  It's my time.  Unfortunately with my husband teaching an early bird class this year, "my time" is only allotted prior to 6 am. 

So that's the skinny today...  my big progress was not reaching for crappy food to feel better and realizing that it's okay to eat when I'm hungry.

Baby steps.

The night before the weigh-in....

My mother and I don't have a lot, if any, hobbies in common.  I cook. She knits.  The list goes on.

She started Weight Watchers about a year ago and has done quite well on it.  A nice side benefit of joining myself is that we have quite a bit to talk about (aside from my hilarious children). 

After I first joined she told me to make sure I didn't eat or drink before weigh-in because it would make my numbers look better.  I laughed and told her that it wasn't about winning a prize, I was in this for the long haul, so I wasn't going to try and fake my numbers.

And yet, I sit here, 14 hours before a weigh in and guess what I'm doing?

I'm trying to figure out how much popcorn I can eat and how much water I will be able to "process" before tomorrow's weigh in.

I told you- the stickers are my motivation at this point!  At least for the first 10 pounds.  Or 50.

It's close to my "special girl time" so I know regardless, the numbers aren't going to be great.

So tomorrow, at 11 am, the challenge is going to be not throwing in the towel. 

Obstacle One.

Giving up my unrealistic expectations. 

The eating has really not been too bad.  We even had an emergency McDonald's run today-- one of the two times a month we go.  I managed to keep it to 11 points.  No fries, of course!  I have been consciously cooking and planning meals and lunches.  It hasn't been too rough.

But it's not exactly falling off.  My pants aren't loose. I don't feel particularly more or less energetic. 

Everything seems the same.

Is this how it's going to be?  A slooooooow path.

And I'm sorry if 1/2-1 pound doesn't excite me enough.  I seriously can gain or lose that overnight.  T

So tomorrow, I don't have any great hopes of a sticker.

But it's little like buying a lottery ticket- if I didn't think there was a slight chance of winning, I wouldn't buy a ticket.

I keep hoping that tomorrow I wake up 25 pounds less.

So I think I will finally listen to my mother... just don't talk to me until after weigh-in.  I'll be the one nearly naked, stomach growling trying to get a stupid sticker!

I Swear, I Really Do Eat Healthy

I'm being very open about joining Weight Watchers.  I always joke that if there's one bad habit you can't hide, it's overeating.

But here's my gripe-

If one more person says "You'll be amazed at how much weight you lose once you cut out fast food and soda,"  I may stab them.

I think 10+ people have uttered that phrase to me in the past week.

Here's the deal people-

I DON'T DRINK SODA, NEVER HAVE, NEVER WILL.  I EAT FAST FOOD ABOUT TWICE A MONTH.

I am NOT making this up.  Check my bank records.

I very rarely- usually when I feel sick- will have a Fresca (even when I was in high school this was my beverage of choice when forced to have soda- people thought I was weird).  Soda makes me belch.  I also don't drink beer very often for this same reason.  What can I say, I'm gassy.

Fast food gives me the shits.  Which isn't to say I don't have an In-N-Out Burger every 2-3 months (appropriately named for me), and Taco Bell is my fast food of choice, but honestly, I don't like much of anything else.  No joke.  If you've ever hung out with me- think hard- have you ever seen me eat a french fry?  Not often.

I also am not a big drinker.

So how did I get fat? 

I love ice cream.  We live across the street from a Dairy Queen.  That was a bad decisions on our part.

I am a snacker.  I can sock away a good 2000 calories at night, mindlessly munching while watching TV.  We just put a TV downstairs in our house, by the kitchen.  Also a bad decision.  Easy access to the food.

I'm just so tired of hearing "Wait until you see what you REALLY eat..."

Well, after a week of tracking, let me tell.

I eat pretty darn well.

My normal breakfast is either plain yogurt with fruit, grapefruit and an boiled egg, or shredded wheat cereal with berries.  This was before I started "dieting."

No joke.  Ask my kids.  I love grapefruit. We always have a bowl of boiled eggs in the fridge.

I've been packing my lunch for years.  I've been made fun of for packing my lunch for years.  I usually take a salad.  I just like them.  I also don't like salad dressing, so I usually just squeeze lemon on it.  Sometimes I bring leftovers.  I went through a phase when the market was plummeting where I ate out, simply to get out of the office for a break (I eat at my desk and work through lunch).  Whole Foods was about 5 minutes from my old office. 

Now dinner, I'm not so good.  We often have grilled fish, chicken or flank steak. Maybe some sauteed shrimp or scallops.  I steamed some tiny lobster tails last Friday.   A side of frozen veggies or kale or swiss chard.  And some sort of rice or noodles.  Brown rice and whole wheat pasta.  Check my pantry.  My love of kale is odd and somewhat legendary among my friends.

Again, not joking.

Sometimes, it's not the healthiest preparation (I do have young kids), but in general, unless I "cheese" or "butter" something, that's pretty much our dinner.  I actually cook. 

Unless we go out.

Oops.  That's been a big issue.  As big as my ass. During the insanely hot summer, we were going out about 3-4 times a week.

That and the late night snacking.  I swear, I could have everything that's unhealthy out of the house and I will actually bake something to eat, rather than grab an apple.  And buttered popcorn- yum.

Oh, and my love of cheese.

But not bread- so please quit telling me to cut out the white bread.  I only see it as a vessel for butter.  I like the bread at "Grape Street", but I'm a multigrain sandwich thins, whole wheat mini bagel kinda gal.  Never been a big fan.  I don't think I've ever bought white bread- aside from the occasional Italian loaf for a "special dinner"- in my entire adult life. 

So snacking, going out, and dairy are my nemeses.

I'm so happy that you lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks by not drinking soda.  Yippee for you.  That is not going to happen for me.  I am going to lose 1/2-1 pound a week because, well, I just don't eat that much crap. 

And that's GREAT that you never had to exercise.  It's not an option for me.  I can't really cut too much more out food wise, so I have to.   And I actually enjoy it. 

Anyhow, that's my rant tonight.  It's kept me from eating.  This week I've used flavored salt in lieu of butter on the popcorn.  I also had laughing cow cheese on flatbread crackers.  I'm definitely making adjustments in my snacking.  Whether it will turn into 70 pounds worth of weight loss, I'm not sold on it.  I always said I gained a pound a month over 5 years by switching from black tea to coffee with creamers- a mere 100 calorie a day difference.  So maybe.... 

But it's one freaking pound at a time.  I don't have any major overhauls.  Which I guess is good, but it is making the tunnel  seem very loooooooooooooooooooooooooong tonight.

I will do this. I will do this.  I will do this.

And to all the people that have offered encouragement, thanks.  I'm just a little pissy tonight.  It's been a week and a pound.  A pound that let's face it, could magically reappear tomorrow before I pee.  I'm just a little overwhelmed with how long this is going to take.  One step at a time.  AAHHHHH.

Thanks for listening!!

The Dark Side of Mama Bean

If you're here reading this, it's either because we're friends on Facebook or you follow my other blog "Mama Bean's World."

After some thought, I decided to start a secondary blog solely focusing on my weight loss journey.

While I realize that this is clearly part of my world, it's also a separate part of it.  I have to get this weight off.  It's nothing to joke about.  It's going to take a LOT of work.  It's not going to be easy.  It's going to require focus and commitment. 

It's my private battle- that I've decided to share with the entire world, naturally.

This is not going to be particularly amusing.

It also doesn't involve my family, my friends, or my work.  It's all me.

I can't not succeed.  There is too much at stake.  Staying fat and funny is no longer an option.

I joined Weight Watchers last week.  It was completely demoralizing to realize that I need stickers to motivate me.  I am smarter than that.  I know what to do.  Sadly, that doesn't mean I'm doing it.  So I will pay $10.50 a week to stand on the scale and get stickers.

No shit.

The meeting this Sunday was entertaining to say the least.  Our leader was dressed in head to toe in purple.  He likes to clap with his little clapper thing.  He sang.  It was my biggest nightmare.

However...

He had some pretty terrific things to say.  I'd heard them all before, but perhaps it was just the right time to actually get it in my head.

He said not to exclude foods, because they would be there when I hit my goal weight.  I need to learn to eat them now, in moderation, or this isn't going to work.

He said to do the program- it works.  It's not difficult.  It takes effort, but is not impossible.  He said he never heard anyone talk about reaching his or her goal weight by going at it half-assed.  (I'm paraphrasing).

He told a story about a woman he ran into at a coffee shop who had a piece of lemon merengue pie in front of her.  After she saw him, she didn't eat it.  He said "Eat the pie."  Then added, all you have to do is make the adjustment, exercise more, eat less later, but eat the stupid pie if that's what you want.  Just track it and acknowledge it.

I like this program.  It's about teaching me to break bad habits.  Fruit and veggies are mostly 0 points. I know if I eat 50 apples a day I will gain weight (and get sick), but it already has me reaching for an apple as opposed to a cracker.  Which lead to a box.  And then some cheese.  Because if you give Mama Bean a cracker, she's going to want something to go with it...

I am not going to be posting my weight, my measurements, my exercise regime.

I am going to be posting my thoughts on how much I hate that it has come to this.  On how hard it is.  On how easy it will hopefully become. On how I feel about the process.  How my life has changed since I gained weight.  How it will hopefully be changing as I lose it.  How I am not the person on the inside that you see on the outside.

I will post updates on my sticker progress and when I reach milestones.  Or when I get a compliment.  I have a perfect job for that- I see my clients every 3-6 months.  They will notice.  I will post when I drop a size.  When I achieve something special- like being able to run.

Maybe someone will find it motivating and join me.  I strongly welcome comments.

I am doing this all for me.  The weight loss.  The blog.  It will keep me from reaching for snacks.  It will hold me accountable.

I'm putting it all out there.

Here I go.