Well,it looks like the Whole 30 is now a Whole Life program for me.

Today is my husband's birthday and we naturally had birthday cake.  I had a small piece last month for my son's.

What a difference a month makes.

I licked the ice cream spoon.  It tasted like I was licking a sugar bowl with oil on it.  I pushed off the ice cream from the small piece of cake.

I took a bite of the cake.  It tasted so disgusting I spit it out.

Seriously.

Birthday cake.

I love birthday cake.  And ice cream.

Two months ago I never imagined that I would be voluntarily getting rid of ice cream.

I mistakenly thought I was on a diet.  Even though the entire book "It Starts with Food" kept saying-- this is NOT a diet.

It's not a diet.  It really has changed my life.

Last Friday, we were running around and I really wanted to stop at Dairy Queen.  It was a nice fall night.  The kids had been great.  It's what we normally would have done.  I started to tell my husband to go and stopped mid sentence.  I realized it wasn't worth it.  First of all, it really doesn't taste the same.  I'm not kidding.  Second, it really makes me sick.  And then I was sad.  There would be no more DQ trips for me.  Ever.  For the first time I felt like I had lost something. 

But then I realized what did I lose?  A stomach ache?  Bad skin?

For me, I am learning that I am VERY sensitive to food.  Period.  And more importantly bad food.  I had a cupcake (okay a few mini cupcakes) from a local bakery and was fine.  Buttercream icing- no gagging there.  I couldn't eat a lot of them, but 1-2, I was fine.

For  2 weeks, I had been trying to add food back in, per the book, to test my reactions.  My skin immediately started to break out.  My sleep patterns were interrupted.   It was all bad.  Rice was the ONLY thing that didn't give me problems.

I can have a little cheese.  I'm fine with a little cheese- I don't need the huge amounts I had before.  And I had some bread- white french bread, in fact- and I was fine. 

But the days of macaroni and cheese are gone.  I don't need to eat it to know it. 

Wine gives me a headache and I get a rush like I popped speed.  But from time to time, I will choose this because it also tastes good-- it's worth it.  Birthday cake that tastes like margarine-- not worth it.

This week, I cleaned up my eating.  My skin started to clear again.  Last night I slept.  I didn't eat perfectly- I was probably at 90% though.  That's livable.  But honestly, my desire to go eat a bowl of nachos is completely gone.

Suddenly, I get it.

Eating healthy isn't dieting.

Dieting is deprivation.

Dieting ends.

Eating healthy is permanent.

 But I very much did not expect how much my tastes have changed.  It's not only that I'm not craving things, they very honestly now taste gross.  In the back of mind I had thought I would come "off" this and be able to eat mac-n-cheese on a cold, fall day.

Nope.

But homemade French Onion soup with a slice of bread and a slice of cheese- that was okay.

Processed foods are out.  And I understand that it is forever.

So as much as I thought I had my head around, this week I really did.

And the very cool thing-- I'm still losing weight.  I wore a suit this week that I had moved to the back of the closet because I had outgrown it.  It was loose.  In all the right places.

And even cooler- all my friends who have started this are having the same experience and I think it's fantastic.

My bigger challenge is going to be figuring out ways to celebrate that aren't food related.  I had no idea how food centric my life had become.  It's an adjustment, but it's one worth making.